


Monsta The Band

by Shinigamibutter



Series: Butterflies [4]
Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Rock Band, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Drummer Shownu, Guitarist Minhyuk and Hyungwon, Harem style polygamy, I don't know anything about bands, Keyboarder Wonho, Lim Changkyun | I.M-centric, Love at First Sight, M/M, Main vocal Kihyun, Manager Jooheon, Slow Build, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, m/m/m/m/m/m/m, set designer Changkyun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-03
Updated: 2019-03-04
Packaged: 2019-08-16 22:20:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 29,986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16503821
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shinigamibutter/pseuds/Shinigamibutter
Summary: Changkyun has loved stage design ever since he left science behind, but he gets the feeling that isn't why he's falling for this band. There's just something about them and those matching 'tattoos' that look like his own that draws him in.Aka the Monsta X rock band soulmate AU no one asked for





	1. Love at first sight

**Author's Note:**

> I knew this would happen eventually. I'm weak after all...But it may or may not be because I'm pouting over how no one is reading my demons and gods Au for MyungJin....Okay I'm pouting so sue me. At least I'm being productive about it. (For once)
> 
> Now as to this story...Well...I was being a little hyperactive and it came to me.

Changkyun had always loved set design, the lights, staging, ideas, and the overall sense of accomplishment that came with it. Watching the viewers ooh and aww over the effects that were put on display no matter who or what was being showcased. Of course loving something didn’t mean he was going to end up doing anything with it. At least that’s what he had always told himself while trying to pursue a bio engineering degree. He never thought he’d end up doing anything with that love. 

Everything had changed when he turned nineteen and caught a glimpse of a Korean music show, something called MCore or MCount, M something. The name of the show didn’t matter. The sets did, the designs, the lights, the sound work. It was love at first sight. There was nothing he wouldn’t do to be there and be doing that. And just like that he changed majors, moved to Korea, and set about making a name for himself behind the scenes. Which wasn’t easy as he was young, inexperienced, and still learning the trade. 

The change was good for him though. It got him out of the depressive funk that trying to be a scientist like his father before him had put him into. A funk he hadn’t realized he was in until he felt the first rush of being backstage at a live concert. It was a small group, maybe four members that were just starting out on their path for debut. His class had been allowed to help out as some hands on experience. He’d learned more in that one class period than he’d learned in his entire bio engineering course. 

Of course loving what he was doing and paying the bills were separate things. And found him living in a shoe box apartment with fewer belongings than he’d ever thought he’d own while in America. But he was happy, he found work at a small theater doing simple tasks and it didn’t take him nearly as long to graduate. At twenty-two he started looking for a job, a real job, not just a job that paid the bills which was what he was doing now. He wanted to work at a bigger theater or maybe a company. He’d heard that JYPE and YG paid decently for stage designers.

Then he saw them. He’d been watching his newest favorite show, he’d fallen in love with their set designs that had a lot of variety and life, when Monsta, a new-ish band, opened for the show. This show always had some new band or another perform their theme song each week, those were the stages he lived for if he were honest. They were always well done and highlighted the style of whichever band performed. Each stage executed as if this band always performed. But as soon as the band came on he couldn’t draw his eyes away to the lighting like he usually did.

There was a brunette in the middle, petite and handsome while to either side of him were two blondes one with a double headed guitar and one a bass guitar. Both were much taller and both equally handsome. While there was a keyboard player off to the left and a drummer in the back. Each had black hair and wide muscular shoulders. And for some reason just the sight of them had Changkyun’s heart thudding against his rib cage, a feeling of butterflies growing in his stomach. There wasn’t any reason for them he could discern as they zoomed onto the brunette’s face. 

The music started with a shot of the vocalist’s deep brown, almost black eyes surrounded in alluring makeup. Changkyun found himself licking his lips as the camera panned around to each member. Each as devastatingly handsome as the last, that had him feeling in a way that he had never felt about anyone else before. His wrist burned but he couldn’t take his eyes away from the screen long enough to find out why. Then the main vocal started singing, joined by the keyboarder and drummer. It was the same theme song he’d been listening to for weeks, he’d never heard it sound so good. 

When the show ended he couldn’t recall what it had been about or what the set looked like. Only the closing shots of the band playing the outro as was customary. He’d never googled something so fast in life. And all the while there were a horde of nervous butterflies still beating in his stomach as he looked up all the information he could. Starting with what company they worked for as he promised himself he would get on there if it was the last thing he did. It was well after midnight when he had learned everything he need to know. 

Monsta, at barely a few months old were popular internationally as they had started on some survival of the band show or something. While their manager was a young up and comer who was just as attractive as the band members he was always spotted with. They weren’t quite as popular locally which he supposed was why they were on a show that aired at the time that it did. But exposure was exposure as he’d heard over, and over, and over at his current job helping to set up stages for various concerts.

There were five official members who each played an instrument as well as sung for most of the songs. Starting from the age of twenty-six internationally going down to twenty-four. He wasn’t sure that it was normal, but the manager’s age was listed as well and he was just as young as their youngest. He found himself typing it all up, the pain his wrist subsiding the more he learned. He still hadn’t taken the time away from this band to look at it, figuring it was probably some insect bite. It wasn’t like it was the first time he’d been bit by a spider. 

Looking at the complicated list, with pictures and all, that he’d made he skimmed through it one last time to make sure he had everything on it he wanted to. Even if he wasn’t sure what he’d do with the information yet. But even if he wasn’t sure what good it would serve him, he wanted it. Not like it would hurt anything to know about them even if he never cared that much who was performing before as long as he made them look good. Well he might care if they were someone big, or he became their fan. It hadn’t happened yet. Not until now and he hadn’t even worked with them, yet.

The top of the page started with the eldest, the drummer going by the stage name Shownu with a real name of Son Hyunwoo. He looked the most manly with full lips, heavy eyebrows, and eyes that felt like they were seeing him through the screen. His hair in the photo he’d found was a rich brown compared to the black he’d had on the broadcast. It complimented his darker skin tone making it look like an even caramel or that might have been editing. He’d seen a few lower qualities with the same tone so he didn’t think it was altered too much at least. 

Next was the keyboard player, whose shoulders were not quite as wide as Shownu’s but just as, if not more, muscular. He went by the stage name Wonho and his real name while hotly contested, was either Shin or Lee Hoseok. Changkyun admitted to himself he didn’t care as long as Wonho looked like a greek statue come to life. And he did, it was almost hard for him to look away from the shirtless pictures to pick a sensible one for the file he was making. He’d settled on one that showed more of Wonho’s effeminate face and adorably large ears. 

Then there was the first of the two blondes, the guitar player, going by his real name, Lee Minhyuk. He was tall, not quite the tallest but close. And he was a sight to behold with his elegant neck and small eyes as well as the cute little uneven blink he’d seen giffed everywhere. He looked like a model in the picture he’d saved of him in white with a few black necklaces dangling down his body. And like Shownu he looked better without the whitewashing that he’d seen on most of his photos. From what he’d read about him, his personality was as bright as his smile and it made the butterflies multiply in his stomach. 

In age order the next on his list was the main vocalist who’d originally caught his eye. His name was Yoo Kihyun and like Minhyuk he used his name on stage as well. Though unlike Minhyuk he was short, the shortest in fact which made him stand out standing in front of all the giants in the band. But he was equally handsome with a smooth jawline and a smolder that put many a woman’s to shame. At least in Changkyun’s book as he stared at the picture of Kihyun with pink hair, a look he felt many didn’t quite pull off nearly as well. It was stunning. 

The tallest member was last a bass player named Chae Hyungwon who also went by his own name on stage. Changkyun had the hardest time finding a decent photo of this member as every other photo he pulled up was meme, the good kinds. He’d inadvertently ended up with a whole new meme folder of him. But when the bass player wasn’t meme-ing he was gorgeous, like straight out of a manhwa gorgeous. Piercing eyes, full lips, small face, perfect proportions, and a heavenly smooth voice. He was sure Hyungwon was the whole package.

With the five members it was already a lot of space taken up on his page but he’d noticed there was a fansite for their manager as well. One Lee Jooheon who had a unique face, handsome and severe all the at same time. It was something in the way he carried himself but he’d seen softer photos of the man as well. There was a duality there that was as equally attractive as the members. Though there wasn’t quite as much information on him. It was enough.

It was enough, Changkyun told himself as the butterflies took over his stomach again. Pulling at him, teasing against his rib cage as he stared at the photos. There wasn’t anything else he could do about whatever had drawn him to them. It wasn’t a usual occurrence for him but he wasn’t one to judge, even if he did want to judge the stir of not quite interest but not quite lust roiling in his stomach. He’d had crushes on guys before, it just wasn’t idols, or band members. Or really this intense from the get go. More just a passing thought of ‘he’s handsome’ not a I need to do their set design or I’ll die.

Which is exactly what it felt like. He wanted to make them look better than anyone else ever had, or ever could. He had so many ideas in his head involving them he had to step back and force himself to think logically. A task he normally had no problems with. To do so he started with looking into their company, it was small a bit tight knit but he’d heard of it before. Well he supposed it wasn’t actually small as a whole, just the music section of it. Which is all he cared about as he pulled up an application for Starship Entertainment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had fun with this. I always have fun with my AUs. Even if they're often unexpected universes. I really didn't mean for this have chapters...but oh well.
> 
> One day I'll learn to not post when hyper. But it wasn't today. Mistakes were fixed.


	2. Dahlia

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A Dahlia is a flower I've long associated with MX but I only looked up the meaning for this fic. And I must say I'm impressed how well it fits. 
> 
> Anyway I will probably switch up positions of the members, depending on what they're playing but concretely their skills are:  
> Shownu main keyboard, secondary drums  
> Wonho main drums, secondary keyboard  
> Kihyun guitar
> 
> Those are the only ones that will flip flop or change depending on my mood. But like all fans Changkyun gets to learn the fanboy way. Much later and long after he's already in love.

It wasn’t until he was at least halfway into the application process that Changkyun remembered his wrist had been burning earlier. And the only reason he remembered was because he caught a glimpse of his wrist while he was typing up his resume. Well more accurately making a professional one. What he saw had him doing a double take as he realized what he’d thought would be a spider bite, or some other pest related problem wasn’t. There was a streak of blue peeking over the edge of his wrist that hadn’t been there before. 

Taking a deep breath he stopped his work and flipped his wrist over only to see a blue flower there that he didn’t recognize. It caused a new frenzy of butterflies in his stomach as he looked at it, the faces of the band Monsta flashing before his eyes as he stared at it. He had heard about marks like this, they were rare, so rare they were almost unheard of outside of the internet. He had to swallow hard on his thoughts thinking back to everything he’d read about them. It had been a paper topic long time ago in college.

He rubbed his fingers over the mark absently as he thought, the blue was beautiful as the flower itself with its petals that all seemed to layer and curl around themselves. It wasn’t a flower he knew off hand but as he thought about it he realized he knew what the mark was. What it meant. Marks like these appeared on soulmates, people who were destined to be together would find them on their skin after they’d made eye contact with their destined one. At least that’s what he’d found out during his research all those years ago. 

Thinking back to when he’d felt the burning on his wrist Changkyun found himself shaking his head. There was no way that and this could be related. There was no possible way that his soulmate was in Monsta. Staring at the flower on his wrist he sighed pulling up the list of members he’d just created on a whim after only seeing them once. He had to admit there was evidence but when he’d written the paper he hadn’t believed in it. He wasn’t sure he believed now. He’d seen tons of people earlier in the day at work, met hundreds of eyes, and they hadn’t been through a screen. They were more likely.

Still he found himself recalling every time the camera had panned over to a member showcasing their eyes. He’d never heard of the marks appearing via screen to eye contact, but he felt it the butterflies in his stomach telling him differently. He’d never had those before either just as he’d never seen the band or heard of them. It was a possibility he was willing to file away under highly improbable but not impossible. As the impossible had already happened with the flower appearing on his arm. One he didn’t even recognize.

With that thought in mind he decided he’d search up the type of flower he was now going to have on his arm for the rest of his life. He found himself thankful it was at least beautiful. It was simple as well with just the flower sitting there fully bloomed and blue, with nothing but the backdrop of his skin. It didn’t need anything else to be stunning with how realistic it looked. Which made it that much easier to find on Google when he took a picture of it and searched with that. 

After a few hit or miss websites Changkyun found himself making a new file with the information about the flower now on his arm. It was a blue Dahlia and the flower itself had a few different meanings some of which he wasn’t sure what to make of, but he took them down anyway. The last meaning had sent the butterflies in his stomach on another flying frenzy, and had his heart squeezing as tightly as it had earlier. But he reviewed the information carefully as he thought about who his soulmate could be. Monsta or not.

The Dahlia by itself stood for remaining graceful, finding inner strength, positive change, standing out, being kind, staying adventurous and relaxed, and commitment. Which he supposed would be nice things in the supposed love of his life. They seemed reasonable enough to want in a lover at least. He’d also found that the color blue for this flower had a separate meaning of new beginnings. A meaning he found ironic in a sense as he went back to his application. 

Having a soul mark wasn’t anything he could do anything about, becoming Monsta’s stage designer he could. Well with time, luck, and probably a great deal of vision. The Dahlia on his arm gave him even more ideas than he’d started with as he thought about its meanings and placement. But there wasn’t anything he could do with them if he couldn’t get on at Starship because he most certainly wouldn’t be using these ideas for anyone else. He just hoped that someone over in the company would agree with his brilliance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts?


	3. Tattoos

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm probably gonna shoot these chapters out pretty fast? For me anyway. Because it was supposed to be a oneshot...I failed on that mission like I am prone to do. That said we'll see about fast or not after this chapter

Getting on at Starship was going to be a lot harder than Changkyun had thought it would for a smaller than average music department. Though he realized retrospectively that might have been why he’d been through so many interviews which spanned well over a week. But he hadn’t spent the time between them uselessly twiddling his thumbs and waiting. That was the behavior of lesser men, at least in his eyes. So he spent the time between interviews doing research on the company. Well the employees of the company. 

By the time he’d gotten to the third interview, of who knew how many, he knew every member of the staff that was publicly known. He knew that their current stage designer was a well known and respected member of the community, but that they also outsourced. Then there was the fact that their stage hands were mostly the design employees and temporary hires for the duration of the sets. While the stylists, unique and brilliant as they were, were a small team who worked the designers closely. 

Of course the staff he’d ultimately be working with weren’t the only ones he’d looked into. In between meetings at the Starship building for interviews he spent his free time learning everything he could about Monsta. He’d even gone so far as to make sure he saw them in passing, well sort of. He knew they were arriving back by the screaming fangirls and he couldn’t keep his newly fanboyed ass away. And it had almost taken his breath away to see how much more handsome all of them were in person. Their eyes even met when they passed him by, including Jooheon their manager. 

Afterwards the butterflies in his stomach had gone soaring to new heights and he regretted not filming the whole thing. Then he kicked himself for thinking that way before ultimately breaking down and watching every single video they had out. He was certain that anyone who checked his YouTube history would be giving him funny looks. As it went from the random science video and tons of funny clips into exclusively Monsta music videos and fancams. He’d swear to anyone that would listen that he’d originally only set out to learn their songs. No one was asking but he was definitely willing to talk about it. 

In the end he found himself with so much information on the band as a whole he wasn’t sure what he was going to do with it. Or what he could even do with it as every idea for a shot, scene, or set design was already written down and the rest didn’t have anything to do with it. It wasn’t like his job would call for in depth personality assessments of the members or anything like that. Or would even allow him to be that close to any of them outside of work. Still he learned it all anyway. 

Such as the fact Shownu was the most patient person he’d ever seen. Minhyuk had a mean streak that was endearing. Kihyun was the century’s best vocalist and no one could change his mind. Hyungwon was adorably funny or straight up rude when he was serving looks. Then Wonho was a bundle of fluff and not the buff monster he looked. And for some unknown reason the manager had more fansites than some idols. Granted he’d seen Jooheon in person and could attest he deserved them. 

Of course he learned useful information as well such as the fact that Shownu and Wonho were both equally good on each other’s instruments. Kihyun played guitar. Facts that would enter into the sets and stages he’d give them. As well what dynamics and looks they could pull off. Then of course there was also that Jooheon could play an instrument. He’d found that out when he saw him on the bass in one behind the scenes video that had him having dreams he’d never admit to. 

Changkyun knew that in a way it was almost as if after first seeing Monsta on that one program they had come in and taken over his life. A sentiment many of their fans shared on the few places he read comments or visited privately to find information. But he didn’t want to get too involved in fan culture in case it would be seen negatively by the company. He already knew that if did learn much more the company would probably think he was a stalker not a fan. Simply because that’s how available some of the information was. Well it felt that way, but he knew that he wasn’t anywhere near the border of being a stalker fan. 

Still he did try to hold back after he’d seen them in person. Only checking the most recent news and when they’d perform because their music was something he loved too. It wasn’t just how good looking all the members were or how good their bodies looked in their outfits. It was their voices, their lyrics, and how they seemed so relatable and adorable off stage. Granted he wasn’t delusional enough to think he knew them well. He wanted to though, he wanted to work with them and make them even more popular. So he could see their shining smiles even brighter and bigger. 

He’d just finished his last interview at number six, which he thought he’d done well in, when he saw the rumor that Monsta had gotten matching tattoos. He wasn’t sure how he felt about it, after all he constantly had to hide his mark because it was mistaken as a tattoo and it was worse for idols. His curiosity got the better of him as he pulled up his private, well protected, and definitely not a fan account, twitter to look into it. What he found made his heart stall in his chest before it started thudding against his rib cage. There on their wrists were blue Dahlias, each fansite making sure to get close ups, including Jooheon’s. 

For a moment he felt like he’d stopped breathing and the butterflies in his stomach had eaten him. Then he was fine. They were tattoos that suited the band, he’d thought so before after he’d learned more about them behind the scenes. They fit the flower perfectly. And one fansite said when they’d asked Shownu, their leader, he’d told them it was a pretty flower that suited them and they’d agreed to get them together. Changkyun knew it to be true so he forced himself not to think about it even though his wrist burned slightly at the sight of six other blue Dahlias.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so next chapter he should be working for Starship but idk how long before he actually meets them....I didn't plot this out as well as I thought I did. I blame coffee.


	4. Starship Entertainment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll try to space chapters over more than a few hours in the future....
> 
> Anyone else always freak when starting a new job?

Changkyun knew that acing his interviews was amazing, his previous employer had even said so but their opinion didn’t mean much. Well that wasn’t true, it did just sentiment wise not industry wise. Which was in the long run what mattered. He still couldn’t quite bring himself to believe that he’d truly done it. But that’s what they’d told him on the phone when he’d been given a start date and in the email he’d read at least twenty times. He was still in shock by the time the day finally rolled around too. 

Though he did try to hide it as he approached the building, the same building he’d already been in several times for six different interviews. It felt completely different and just a bit intimidating to walk in knowing he worked there. To know that he now represented Starship Entertainment as an employee. Granted he hadn’t gotten the exact job he’d wanted, he was at least in the field he wanted to be in. He wasn’t a stagehand and he wasn’t quite not a stagehand either, in the position that fell under the label of creative set adviser. 

It was a position that he was sure was made up, well not that sure as he’d gotten it. But neither he nor any of his old coworkers had heard of it before. He assumed it was the fancy name for what he did behind the scenes for the theater. Which was also not being a stagehand but not quite not being a stagehand either. In the end he didn’t care what he was doing as long as he was doing it here. At Starship Entertainment where he might meet Monsta and set up the stage for them. And it really would help his career in the long run.

Still he had to keep reminding himself that he belonged as he made his way through the building, stopping to ask for directions twice in his nervousness. The meeting room where he’d have his orientation was small, filled to the brim with chairs, and a few scattered people. His knees touched the man’s next to him as he settled in, the room filling up slowly behind them. They didn’t talk, but Changkyun could see the man’s hands shaking slightly so he didn’t want to startle him. And it was his way to, if given the chance, stay to himself. 

Being an introvert in this line of work was exhausting and he knew that it would be so in this company as he glanced behind himself when he heard a cough. The room was full of at least twenty people shoulder to shoulder, he wasn’t sure if they were all new hires like himself or if they were returning workers. He’d seen a few of the faces around him before as stagehands at the theater. They smiled warmly at him and waved, he waved back trying to smile without showing how nervous he was. 

He jumped when an older man came to the front of the room, there was a wide smile on his face but an air of seriousness around him. Changkyun reasoned it might have been the suit while most everyone else in the room was wearing black on black, polos and jeans. Standard attire for their line of work. While others like himself were in jeans and t-shirts that weren’t offensively printed or just plain. His own had a cute puppy drinking coke out of a spilled bottle. It was his lucky shirt, the first one he’d bought in Korea. He might have felt out of place if it wasn’t for the Godzilla t-shirt a row back.

When the man in the front started speaking Changkyun forced himself to focus, this was important. It wasn’t, not really most orientations weren’t and he knew it. But like every other good worker he knew it was best to pretend this part about the company history was the bread and butter of his career. He was only able to zone back in once the man started talking important things like their assignments and what they’d be working on here in the future. Which happened to be a music video set for Sista, Monsta’s senior and sister group. A group he knew very little about if he were honest. 

The man in the front assured them that they would love their jobs and the whole nine yards as if they hadn’t applied for a reason. Changkyun found himself drifting off again trying to recall what he knew about the female group. He’d chanced one music video after he’d applied at Starship knowing he’d be working with them too. They were beautiful, talented, and he was sure the apple of many a man’s eye. He’d never watched another video even though their music was good and their vocals were to his liking.

In the music video he’d seen both Shownu and Wonho of Monsta starring as back up dancers in in the video. It had turned his stomach faster than anything else ever had in his life. And after that he hadn’t been able to look at their videos without his heart sinking and his stomach clenching for no reason he could think of. No he knew he was lying himself. There was a reason he was wearing an armband over his left wrist. It was the very same reason it soured his stomach to watch Shownu and Wonho dance up on and be danced up on by their sister group. 

Accepting the mark on his wrist had taken time, accepting that it was definitely because of Monsta was still taking time. No matter what evidence pointed to the conclusion his soulmate was in the band he couldn’t accept it. There wasn’t even a way to tell which one it was anymore as they all had blue dahlias, including their manager in a matching location to his own. And even after scouring the internet, again, he couldn’t find any credible stories about soul marks. Even more so on soul marks that appeared after eye contact via television. 

Not to say he’d found none he just didn’t believe them anymore than he believed the man in front of them telling them Starship was prefect. No company was perfect just as soul marks weren’t possibly acquirable through seeing one’s destined via a picture or any other type of media. Eye contact was eye contact and that definitely meant that they had to be in front of him. Just like the man who was now telling them they would be going on a building tour. Which made his heart thump loudly in chest. 

Honestly he’d been expecting a tour, but he really wasn’t emotionally ready for it, knowing that he could bump into Monsta somewhere. The thought made his pulse race and he knew it shouldn’t. He couldn’t be a fanboy here. This was going to be his job, and it only hit him as they passed the soundproofed studio rooms that he really knew nothing about Monsta as people. That in the end all he was to them was a stranger, the thought had him tugging his armband down to ensure it covered his mark. He didn’t want them to see it. 

He didn’t want anyone to see it as they went through the halls greeting other staff and bowing politely as well as returning greetings. Instead of thinking about Monsta and running into them he forced himself to focus on the layout. Especially the parts he’d actually need to get to for his own job. Which starting tomorrow he’d get to work on after a meeting with the correct people. They would be given their assigned tasks then and split into the groups for it today. He vaguely hoped he got to work with the few stagehands he already knew so he’d feel more comfortable. 

It was as he was leaving, eyes glued to the paper in his hand with his work group listed on it, that he ran into someone. Someone tall and built from the way he landed on his ass, crumpling his paper in his surprise and his file falling all over the floor. Of course the first words out of his mouth were an apology as he scrambled to get his papers back together, he heard a chuckle he thought he recognized. He almost didn’t want to look up but when he did it was to see a hand offered to him, he’d taken it getting to his feet much easier. 

“Are you okay?” The voice was gentle soft, and kind and Changkyun panicked because he definitely knew it. He nodded dumbly not daring to raise his eyes because he knew that if he did his fanboy would show, probably. Or his mortification that he’d run into someone. Either was equally bad in his mind but finally he had to as the man he’d knocked into didn’t move. A simple smile greeted him on one of the most handsome faces he’d ever seen. Surrounded by five of the other most handsome faces he’d ever seen.

He tried force out a greeting with a smile. And he realized he couldn’t recall a single Korean word as he flustered over who he’d run into. Monsta in the flesh, the very meaty flesh his brain provided unhelpfully instead of the annyeonghaseyo he was looking for. He bowed instead hurrying off as if he had to be somewhere urgently. He heard mutters behind him but he couldn’t look back to see how badly he’d fucked up. He wasn’t sure how he was going to make it at work tomorrow if he couldn’t even Korean anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will probably be the last update until after next because I'm going to see Day6 in Minneapolis. Any fellow MyDay going feel free to hit me up on twitter.
> 
> I won't lie though if I'm feeling it I'll update. I'm whimsical like that.


	5. Introverts unite

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm an ambivert so I relate to you introverts and you extroverts quite equally. Anyway I came to the realization that this is so far in my long line of I.M harem fics (a grand total of 9 including this one) is the only one that is solely told from Changkyun's perspective.

It was times like these Changkyun wished he wasn’t such an introvert and had more friends. Or better friends at the least. He’d been in Korea for a little over three years and only made two close friends, neither of which he could tell about his soul mark. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust them or they weren’t good enough friends but he just couldn’t bring himself to tell them. They were some of the more judgmental types when it came to same sex relationships. And that was fine, it was their opinion they weren’t rude or mean to anyone about it. They just wouldn’t understand.

He knew that if it weren’t happening to him he might not quite understand either. Though not on the grounds of gender. Unlike his friends he didn’t really care about those kind of things, but on the fact it was impossible. If one of the two came to him talking about a soul mark he’d probably nod in all the right places, send them off, do all the research, and still come to the conclusion he had about his own. It had to be a fluke. Granted he was a good enough friend to never, ever, say that aloud to a friend in such a situation. He wasn’t nice enough to spare himself the same answer.

Which was why he wished he had more friends he could talk to about such things. And that maybe he hadn’t surrounded himself with more introverted skeptics just like himself. He knew they would be supportive, the best that they could be. But he’d also have to suffer those looks, the ones that said ‘I think you might be crazy but okay’ and the ‘maybe he’s touched’ side glances. He’d gotten them before when he brought up the existence of aliens. And many a heated debate later the topic was still a sore subject. 

This wasn’t aliens though, it was a soul mark and his newly questionable sexuality. At least in their eyes, as he’d never told them he found some men attractive before. He suspected they knew but they didn’t want it confirmed. That’s just how it was with some people, they could see what was right in front of them but only found a problem with it once it was directly told to them. He’d met many people like that. And they weren’t all bad, just occasionally hard to handle. He wanted advice not to be handling other people.

Sighing he turned over on his bed. The same bed that he’d thrown himself into the moment he’d arrived home. He’d been in it for well over an hour replaying exactly how he’d fucked up. It wasn’t the worst thing he could have done really, he’d only forgotten Korean for ten minutes. And considering he’d only gotten really good at it a year ago it was forgivable. The way he kept picturing Monsta’s faces, handsome concerned, and oh so confused was not. He knew he couldn’t keep beating himself up about it. 

It didn’t stop him from doing it though as he went about making dinner, thinking about all the things he could have said. Some of which he was grateful he didn’t say. He’d just started at the company and he’d be working with Monsta eventually, hopefully. He couldn’t come off as a crazed fanboy. He hoped he hadn’t already, seeing as he’d probably looked up at Shownu with what he was sure was an awkward combination of abject terror and adoration. It was hard to judge from their faces the kind of face he’d made.

Forcing himself to think happy thoughts as he settled down in front of his laptop to eat he thought about how beefy Shownu was in person. How handsome they all were in person until he remembered he needed to research Sista more. He couldn’t very well show up to work tomorrow without even knowing who they were. As a senior group he was sure they would be insulted and as a company employee he’d look bad. Which he most assuredly did not want as he wanted to do well at this company. 

He was three videos in, taking notes on the types of concepts, designs, choreography and style that Sista seemed best in when that video came up. The one he dreaded watching with every fiber of his being. He knew it was irrational. He hadn’t even heard of Monsta when this video had been made, hadn’t even cared about Korean pop music in the least. It still hurt to watch it, his mark burning and his eyes watering as his heart squeezed. They were just dancing, what they were paid to do, but his heart didn’t want to listen. 

As irrational as it was Changkyun could understand why he was feeling that way, why his mark burned. And would continue to do so until he accepted it fully and all of whatever his soulmate had done. He wondered idly if this meant that Shownu or Wonho was his soulmate. If he was following the logic that was set out by the examples he’d found it would seem so. But something inside him told him that in his case that wasn’t the answer and this logic didn’t hold. Not here anyway. 

Clicking away from music videos he watched a few unhelpful guides and a few helpful ones to get an idea of what the members were like. He’d watched so many of these about Monsta when he’d first found them he found himself comparing them. They were a good help, well sort of. They were more for fans that knew a thing or two about a thing two when it came to whoever they were about. But they were still fun to watch. He got the impression from them that he would likely have no problems getting along with Sista. 

He hoped at least that he got along well with them, but he knew from his experience at the theater that it didn't really matter. Artists listened to staff and did as they were told, they were under contract to do just that and they would. Though he’d met a few vocal artists and staff teams that did go at it, they were few and far between. Most handled things peacefully and compromised where they could. He got the feeling Sista and Starship were compromisers. Which was good for him as he was one as well. 

It was late when he felt he’d finally found enough about not just Sista, but all the groups under Starship Entertainment. He wanted to be prepared in case his project changed suddenly and he was hoisted somewhere they needed him more. It hadn’t happened much at the theater but the few friends he had at other companies had told him such. They only met up after hard ordeals and chatted drunkenly into the night. But from those nights he’d learned a lot about working for companies. He hoped the information would come in handy as he crawled into bed and thought about tomorrow.

He forced his heart to calm down as he thought about how it was his first real day at his first company job. The thought of which was making him both excited and nervous. Though not quite as nervous as the thought in the back of his mind that he might run into Monsta again. He prayed that if he did he wouldn’t forget Korean this time and his inner fanboy would stay safely locked away. He’d never get to know them if all they saw in him was their biggest fanboy, and not who he really was. Though just as he knew they weren’t exactly who they were on camera, he knew he wasn’t just a fanboy to them either. Well one of them. Probably.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I still am floored with how much I've been writing lately. But I'm happier <3 almost as happy as your comments make me. But that might be the coffee talking.


	6. Hurdles

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're already on six and I have to ask myself how we even got here. My whims always take me on wild rides.  
> Gunhee will make an appearance. Because I love him?

Changkyun had never wanted to think of himself as ‘bright eyed and bushy tailed’ but the expression came to mind when he looked at himself in the mirror. He wondered if it had to do with the soft brown he’d recently dyed his hair or the way his pupils were blown out in the dim lighting. But really he knew it was the unmistakable excitement on his face, though it was a little drowned by the bags under his eyes that weren’t quite hidden with makeup. Though he was wearing very little as today he was having a good skin day. 

He was thankful at least that he hadn’t been given a dress code beyond public appropriate even though his chances of seeing the general public were slim to none. He’d still taken the effort to look nice by fixing his hair, forehead halfway exposed and his clothes respectably fashionable. Or he thought they were until he recalled how some of the others had been dressed at the office. Which had him changing to his skinnier jeans and a loose, but workable sweater over a much tighter plain black t-shirt. 

Grabbing the assignment list and the things he’d need for work he tried to calm his heart beat as he stepped out the door. The commute to work was a long one he spent trying to fix his mind-frame about the tasks he might be given. The first thing on the agenda was a meeting, he’d expected as much though as he didn’t know any senior members of staff. Besides the few they’d passed in the hallways or stopped to greet directly. That hadn’t been very many of them honestly. 

The meeting took place in the same room he’d been in yesterday though today it was rearranged with a long table in the middle and only six chairs. One of which was occupied by a female who smiled at him when she looked up to see who had come in. He smiled back politely and she went back to looking at her phone. He thought about getting his own out as he settled down in a chair, deciding against it as the door opened letting two more people in. Both smiled politely and settled into their own chairs.

It was ten minutes before all the chairs were filled and the meeting began. The woman he’d been ‘greeted’ by first was a stylist while two of the others were set designers. Meaning himself and the remaining two were the workers, or he assumed so as files were handed out and they began a serious discussion on what they would be doing. Changkyun was put in charge of color coordination among other things as the meeting went forward. It really opened his eyes on some of the details that went on behind scenes, some of which he hadn’t known working live instead of filmed productions. 

It was a task he was up to but he found himself raising his eyebrows more than once at a few things. The most eye opening being how openly the stylist was into BDSM themes, though he and most of the fans he’d seen had already suspected as much. He just hadn’t thought it would be discussed quite so openly. Next had been the actual concept which was quite simple but called for a really elaborate set, clothing, and two locations. He’d be working on the in studio set while the other team were in charge of the outdoor sets. 

The meeting lasted until lunch. Changkyun wasn’t sure if he was grateful or terrified because lunch, after just a meeting, meant he’d either have to brave the company food court alone or find a place nearby. And he didn’t know which was worse as he didn’t actually get to know anyone. Meetings weren’t a good time for casual conversation and mutually getting to know someone well enough to want to eat together. Though it seemed everyone else in the room knew each other as they left it chatting amongst themselves save the head designer on their team. 

Changkyun was not going to chance that conversation yet. He was still wrapping his head around all the work he’d have to do when they got back. He didn’t want to end up talking about it over lunch too. Because the head designer seemed like that type. He was going to dodge that bullet if he could. Thankfully the designer only smiled at him as he left the room bidding him a good lunch. He smiled politely and did the same as he decided the company food court it was. Maybe he’d see a stagehand he recognized.

Instead of seeing a stagehand he saw someone else he recognized and instantly regretted his decision as he was forced into a line by traffic flow. It was Jooheon sitting alone at a table looking more delicious than the food Changkyun ended up ordering. He forced himself to only glance at him as he made his way past, finding an empty and secluded table was difficult but he managed. And by the time he looked up he saw that Jooheon wasn’t alone anymore. He was now sitting with Song Gunhee, they were rumored best friends. 

Seeing them together had Changkyun’s mark burning subtly and an itch in his hand to search for all the information online he could find on the rapper. He knew quite a bit about him because he liked his work. But right now he wanted to know everything he could in correlation to Jooheon. It suddenly felt like the most important thing to do. But he didn’t. He knew now was definitely not the time or place to be getting on his private Monsta stan Twitter account. Even if he was safe about it.

After all knowing he would be applying at Starship he’d set his privacy settings high. He’d only followed the most informative Twitters, hardly any fansites if you counted five each member as a low number, and never followed back. The account was locked and he hadn’t chosen some fanboy name either it mirrored his public Twitter by being @IamwhatIamman22 instead of something like @Shownutiddies. He’d seen that handle before and regretted clicking on it as all they displayed were close up shots of Shownu’s chest. There’d been one for Wonho too he’d ‘accidentally’ clicked on.

Still he couldn’t risk it, and he most certainly wasn’t leaving that kind of search history on his main account. Though he felt he might be being just a touch paranoid about anyone even checking into it. It was doubtful to say the least, but he’d rather be safe than sorry. Which was why, even though he really, really wanted to, he didn’t look at Jooheon and Gunhee anymore than once more. They were chatting amicably as far as he could tell and he thought it was nice that Gunhee was out of the dungeon Starship had thrown his career into to talk with people.

Not that he believed there was an actual dungeon on site. After all, he knew all one needed for a prison was four walls and a door that wouldn’t open. Which was what Starship used to trap Gunhee in his studio by letting him have it but never release anything from it. He told himself he shouldn’t even be bitter about it, as he’d only fallen in love with Gunhee’s music a few hours ago in the grand scheme of things. But he was. Though he didn’t feel the same way towards Gunhee as he did towards Monsta, he had to admit he seemed like someone he’d like to try and get along with and get to know. 

Lunch ended on that note as he knew he didn’t have more than an hour to get food in him, which really only took twenty minutes. The rest of the time he spent getting used to the layout of the building. Even though he knew he wouldn’t be there much longer, tomorrow he’d be working on site at the studio getting things ready for filming. The project was projected to take roughly a week or two, if there weren’t any hiccups. He felt the butterflies in his stomach again as he passed by the studios in the building. 

He knew he wouldn’t see anyone he wanted to inside them, Monsta obviously weren’t there or Jooheon would be with them. Probably. At least that’s how he thought managers worked from his experience. But the thought that Monsta recorded and made music in these studios was enough for him to feel fluttery. Just a touch excited to one day see them on his way to a meeting or better yet hear them. Thinking about Kihyun’s smooth high notes, Minhyuk’s beautiful hooks, and Hyungwon’s low but masterful tones had him giddy. Hearing it live would be something else.

It took him far longer than it should have to realize he wasn’t just thinking about hearing them as he was actually hearing them. The studios were soundproofed so he knew it wasn’t from there but when he entered the meeting room the stylist was there. She was playing their newest song taking notes as she looked through her files. She smiled up at him again as he entered the room. He decided that he was going to put everything into this project so he could work with Monsta as soon as possible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't even know what I'm doing anymore....


	7. Lunch with a Gun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'll I love Gunhee okay. Anyway now that I'm back from Day6 (Which was amazing btw) I'll try to update regularly. Sunday is the day I aim for but we'll see how that continues lol so they won't be anywhere near as fast they started.

Working with Sista was exactly like he thought it would be. They were nice, courteous, and experienced. Which was nice because after a few days working on set it was showing that he wasn’t. But he was a fast learner and that helped a lot. Though it helped more that he had been right about the relationship between staff and artist. It was a good one. They listened to each other and overall things went smoothly. But he knew a week was a long time to film something, especially when most music videos he’d seen were filmed in a day or two. Granted those were live. He was learning how wrong he was about time frames and quickly.

Though it wasn’t until he was on set he’d realized they weren’t actually filming a music video per say, they were filming a piece of a montage. For what he couldn’t be sure until he saw the final project. But he was certain that whatever it turned out to be was going to be much longer than the standard three to four minute music video. He was tempted to ask the staff but he also knew that in the end he wasn’t that interested in knowing. He’d be among the first people to see it when it was completed after all. Or he thought that’s how it worked anyway.

He was almost too afraid to ask and look like the complete novice he knew himself to be. But when day three rolled around he found himself sitting with Hyolyn and Bora discussing their grievances with his color choices. Well they weren’t his choices per say, they were paints the staff had on set and he was perfecting their mixing. So far he’d tried three color swatches but each was a shade too wrong. Washing out the two members he found himself cornered by. It was then he realized this was a disbanding gift for their fans. 

Hyolyn had let it slip in how she only wanted perfection for their last gift. Bora had sat more stoically after that. Changkyun found himself unable to comfort them as he could see they were in a way distraught over their own decisions. Luckily he didn't have to as Gunhee wandered onto set looking for the staff director for something or other. Both Hyolyn and Bora brightened seeing him, their fondness obvious. Changkyun wondered if they were that fond of Monsta. He simultaneously hoped so and didn't as he got back to work. 

Changkyun didn’t dwell on those feelings though as he scratched idly at the armband on his soul mark, it itched just thinking about his jealousy. He knew he didn’t have the right to be jealous to begin with. It wasn’t like he owned any of the members just because one of them might be his soulmate. Nor was it was reasonable to be jealous of things that happened before they knew they had a soulmate. But logic and emotion were at odds for a reason. And making his heart listen to reason wasn’t working any better now than it had for the music video before.

“You’re new here right? I haven’t seen you before.” The question had him jumping and he almost dropped the stir he was using to mix the paints. It had been asked in his ear, hot breath fanning over it and when he turned his own breath caught. It was Gunhee who was smiling widely at him and giving him a once over. Though he couldn’t help noticing the way the much more popular male eyed his armband. “I’m Song Gunhee.” The rapper smiled again introducing himself as if Changkyun wouldn’t know him, though he supposed some newer employees might not.

“Im Changkyun.” He found himself answering in kind ignoring the first question, it was obviously rhetorical as the rapper had said he’d never seen him before. But none of that information told him what the rapper wanted with him. “It’s nice to meet you. I liked your last single.” He continued wondering if his fanboy side was showing as he did very much enjoy Gunhee’s music. And he felt it would only be appropriate to let him know that he liked his work, that couldn’t be too far over the line right?

“Ah thank you.” Gunhee’s smile was wider, brighter. “It’s about lunch time do you want to join me?” Changkyun nearly dropped the stir again. He wasn’t sure what to say or why Gunhee would even be asking, they’d just met. Granted that was definitely how Koreans did things, asking someone they wanted to know better to a meal was common. He just hadn’t expected it here, or with Gunhee. His lack of response seemed to worry the other male though as he rushed to add on. “I mean it would be nice to get to know the new employees and you looked friendly.” 

Changkyun wanted to contend the last comment, he’d heard he looked older than he was but never quite friendly. Instead he smiled and nodded before he remembered words were required. It wasn’t everyday that he was asked to eat by someone he was a fan of. “Sure. Are you planning to eat in the building?” He asked thinking about how much money he did or didn’t have. Having just changed jobs he wasn’t exactly rolling in the funds and he wasn’t about to assume that Gunhee was treating. 

“Is in the building fine?” There was something in Gunhee’s look that had Changkyun flustered, as if he were on to him and the idea that he was nervous. Though he was, it wasn’t for the reason that Gunhee probably thought it was for. After all, he’d seen Gunhee and Jooheon eating together more than once. A chance encounter was possible and the idea of it had his ears turning red, which he hoped the idol rapper didn’t notice as he nodded his assent. “Good then I’ll meet you in the cafeteria I still have a little work to do.”

Changkyun nodded and agreed to the time. His heart beating a mile a minute just thinking about it, and how lunch would go. He wasn’t sure if he was more worried or hopeful that Jooheon would show up. He was a candidate for being his soulmate after all. Refusing to think about it anymore carried him through the rest of the time before lunch. Which brought his heart back to pounding when he realized the time and made his way to the cafeteria. Though he did find himself wondering if he would be stood up in some hazing ritual. He’d heard about worse ones from his other set working buddies.

He realized it wasn’t when he met Gunhee outside the cafeteria, he looked relaxed and handsome in a way that only idols did. It left Changkyun wondering why Starship still left his visuals in the studio with his talent when they could be doing much more with them. But that was a rude question to ask so he didn’t instead asking Gunhee about the company as a whole. Trying not to ask questions about Jooheon even though he really, really wanted to. He focused on questions about Gunhee himself and letting him talk. 

Gunhee was kind and sweet while also being very interesting. As they took a table the discussion of rap came up naturally and it was enjoyable. Yet Changkyun still found himself on the lookout, unintentionally at least, for Jooheon. To the point that Gunhee noticed with a chuckled ‘are you waiting for someone?’ as if he knew. Changkyun certainly hoped not, though he knew it was illogical to think he knew. How could he know after all? Thankfully the moment passed and their discussion went on about slow rap versus high speed rap. 

It wasn’t until lunch was ending that reality came to a screeching halt. “I have to be honest I actually saw you a few days ago when you were new.” Gunhee’s voice was low as if it were a secret he was telling and it got Changkyun’s heart racing again, after it had finally settled down. “You kept glancing over and you looked so lonely over there I wanted to get to know if you I had the chance.” His smile was bright and something in Changkyun’s chest constricted. “I was also curious about this.” 

Following Gunhee’s finger he froze it was pointing to the armband, the same arm that Monsta had their matching tattoos on. A lie, he needed a lie. He wasn’t sure why but he knew he had to lie about it. Or he’d look like a raving mad fanboy who got a matching tattoo with an idol group. He just knew it. Because who would believe him about a soul mark? Yet the other male looked completely disappointed when he told him it was covering a scar, just an old scar he didn’t like looking at. Though the truth was it was a soul mark, one he spent hours just looking at. He didn’t, couldn’t say it.


	8. Boyfriend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'll I'm actually a big fangirl...as if you didn't notice but seriously love Boyfriend. Starship did them dirty. Though I won't lie to you all, I'm casual fan for anyone but Monsta X and Astro. It's the American in me.

The set with Sista ran over a week. In which Changkyun found himself wishing that it wasn’t a disbandment shoot that they were running. As the group members were sweet and nice to him, and he’d grown much closer to them than he’d expected. He’d also unexpectedly grown closer to Gunhee who he’d had lunch with a total of three times after the first time. Thankfully none of those times included Jooheon and it seemed that any questions Gunhee had about his armband had disappeared. 

It was something to be grateful for because Changkyun wasn’t sure how he’d answer if Gunhee kept asking. He could remember the lie about a scar, but the backstory he’d be forced to make up about it might be a bit a different every time and he knew it. Small lies were the only effective lies after all. Like the lie he kept telling to himself every time he had to return to the building from the shoot location, which wasn’t very frequently. Since after the first time Gunhee had insisted they eat outside the building. And no matter how close it was Changkyun didn’t go back unless he had business to.

Yet every time he returned there he told himself he didn’t want to run into anyone from Monsta. It was a lie, a well told lie but a lie nonetheless. He just wasn’t ready to face them, even if they didn’t know who, what, he was. Where was he even supposed to start a conversation with them? Go up to them and tell them ‘one of you might be my soulmate because our eyes met on TV’? Because that would go over really well. But the thought of even seeing the group and their manager in passing set loose butterflies in his stomach. 

The same butterflies that were currently running amok as he logged into his personal twitter for the first time in what felt like years. There had been so much he missed. Well sort of. He did hear things around the company as he passed people for his work or about the set in greater length. Most of it wasn’t the important things, the things he wanted to know because they were professionals and he was a fanboy. No matter how much it pained him to admit it. 

One of the first things he saw when he logged in was one of the things he’d been dreading. It was simple photo of a wrist tattoo. It wasn’t nearly as good as Monsta’s, but it was a blue dahlia. Though he did feel a little better at what the original poster had said about getting one. Which was that the tattoo artist had told her getting the same kind of quality as Monsta had would take a very talented artist. And that getting the exact same result wasn’t possible. As it stood her flower was pretty, like the reposter he’d seen it from said. But it made it his heart hurt.

The rest of the news was inconsequential after that but it was enjoyable to see. The photos of Monsta most of all but he wasn’t willing to admit that out loud or that he’d maybe, sort of, kind of, drooled over them a little. It was natural to be attracted to beautiful men, he had reasoned with himself and felt guilty about it. One of them was his soulmate, probably, and he’d been drooling over all of them. And he wasn’t sure how he was going to handle it if he had to be around all of them and only keep one.

At that thought Changkyun quickly got himself off twitter and stepped away from those thoughts. They were too fanboy even for him. Yet he found himself wondering about it a loose, niggling feeling taking residence in the back of his neck as he began to cook dinner for himself. A feeling he tried to ignore as he sat back down at his computer to do the research he was supposed to do without ending up on twitter. Now that Sista’s filming was underway, the final version of it at least, his job was done there. 

Which meant he was onto a new project. A project he wasn’t looking forward to quite as much since it had him in the building constantly working on the newest set they’d be using. It wasn’t started yet but the designs had been decided upon a few days ago in a meeting he wasn’t ranked high enough to attend. The only information he’d been given was the concept and the group it would be for, so far at least. He knew he’d get more details tomorrow. But he realized upon hearing the group’s name he hadn’t done much research into them before, admittedly he had thought they were disbanded. 

The group’s name was Boyfriend and they were idols, not a band. But their music was decent, had once been one of the top charters. Granted it was like for a millisecond in the grand scheme of Kpop, it could have been more. Their story was something Changkyun knew better than their actual faces or music. It wasn’t an uncommon story in Kpop. The group was popular, the company was making money. They were forced to rest for various reasons. Then when they did comeback they weren’t promoted well, weren’t sold well, and the comeback was a weak one. So they didn’t get another one for even longer. 

Changkyun could feel for them though as he watched their latest comeback first. They were handsome and their music was in it’s own way beautiful. And a little bit unexpected musically by the time he finally got to the last song in their discography having worked it backwards. But in his mind’s eye he could see where the concept would suit them and what kind of image he wanted for them. Something he could work with to hopefully help them revive from the slump that Starship had allowed them to fall into. 

It was as he was taking notes he caught sight of the mark on his wrist. His thoughts were instantly drawn to Monsta, to the fact they were in the same company that did both Boyfriend and Gunhee dirty. He had to admit it made him worry and explained why even though they were new they kept pushing themselves soo hard. And somehow one thought led to another and the next thing he knew his browser was filled with images of the band again. Until one of their tattoos caught his eye.

The picture was finally in high definition compared to the last one he’d seen that had been just a preview. It had the butterflies back in his stomach on overdrive as he realized without looking at anything other than the tattoo which member it was. Even though he knew, especially now that all the tattoos were the same. Each an almost perfect copy of the mark his soulmate carried. Or that’s what he thought they were until he hunted up a high definition photo of each tattoo. It was then it struck him, that the impossible was striking again.

Every single one of the tattoos were exactly the same as each other’s and his own. From each subtle color fade, petal, shadow, and delicate movement that made the flower seem real. It was all the same. And with that realization the torrent of butterflies in his stomach went soaring with understanding that he couldn’t possibly fathom. Instead he sat there dumbstruck looking from one mark, to the next mark, to the next mark, and then to his own. The post he’d seen earlier coming back to him about the impossibility of a perfectly matching tattoo. 

Changkyun felt a little faint as reality swam around him in what he’d just realized. Or possibly realized he reminded himself trying to take deep calming breaths over the beat of a thousand butterfly wings in his stomach. He knew it wasn’t as impossible as he thought it was, couldn’t be as the evidence of it was staring him right in the face. And maybe, just maybe, the soul mark that had appeared on his arm and soon after been seen as a tattoo on Monsta wasn’t a tattoo at all. That maybe, just possibly all of their ‘tattoos’ were actually soul marks too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So you know how I said I had it all plotted out? I lied. Gunhee made me a liar.


	9. Denial

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no idea how we got here. I swear I started this as one shot of cute, tooth shattering fluff...and we're on chapter nine. I thought I'd learned my lesson but here I am crying in corners again about all the extra work I give myself. 
> 
> That said I do hope you're enjoying this as much as I am. I might whine a lot but I love what I do. But I will be doing updates every two weeks now for my sanity.

Despite his upsetting, possibly highly inaccurate, realization last night about Monsta and himself Changkyun felt calm this morning. Well as calm as he felt any morning where he was left rushing to work because he’d stayed up way too late on every search site known to man looking for answers. Because it turned out, much to his chagrin, Google wasn’t his friend. As all Google had to offer were the soul mark stories he’d seen before. And while he hadn’t been interested in digging deeper and finding the deep webs he had to. Because he had to know.

In the end his results hadn’t turned up anything more useful than Google had and he’d felt only just a tiny pang of guilt for forsaking it. Until he remembered the types of ads he’d be seeing for some time because of his searching on Google and the deep webs. Still all those ads and all for naught as the only case he’d found similar to his own, which was still highly debatable, included four people. He had his doubts on that case. Hell he had his doubts on his own case. Maybe the whole thing was a fluke. But all he had to do to remind himself it wasn’t, was lift his armband and peek under it. 

After all, it was hard to deny evidence that was staring him right in the face from his own skin. Not to mention he’d stumbled upon even more compelling evidence for the case. Still he knew it was possible, not entirely impossible, to get tattoos that were exactly the same. His research had yielded that much in the way of results. Just that the methods were questionable, expensive, and not exactly available in their country. But the point was it was possible. It didn’t make it likely but it was the hope he was going to cling to. 

The hope he wrapped himself in as he stepped foot into the Starship building making his way to the now cozily familiar meeting room. Because he had barely been able to handle the idea of one soulmate, what was he supposed to do with six? What would they think about him? All six of them being talented, wonderful, handsome, successful, and all saddled with the unremarkable and not really successful him? He was certain that the mark had to be wrong, that it couldn’t possibly be what having it implied that it was. Or maybe it was platonic. 

He’d read many a story about platonic soul marks. Granted all of those stories involved two people as well who just weren’t attracted to each other, or in a lot of cases were ace. Which was fine, really, it didn’t bother him that maybe all the fantasies he’d built up in his head would go nowhere. At least he told himself that to stop from having a panic attack on the way to the meeting room. Because while looking into the practice rooms, a habit he’d picked up for some reason, he’d seen Kihyun belting out a song. 

What song he wasn’t sure the rooms were sound proofed, but he’d seen Kihyun, in the flesh. The very attractive, obviously lost in the moment, lead singer of the band he was trying to tell himself he was, definitely, okay not having sex with. The very same band that might possibly contain one or more of his soulmates. By the time he reached the meeting room, having also heard Shownu talking behind him down the hall, he was practically hyperventilating. And he realized he couldn’t even pretend it was remotely platonic on his side. 

Luckily he was able to get himself under control enough to pay attention during the meeting, and not act like a dickwad who didn’t do his job. Though he wasn’t too excited about the job at hand being as it had to do with a possible survival show. Boyfriend’s set had already been finished and the company wanted to toss around ideas on a new, improved survival show with a girl group. Changkyun secretly hoped that it didn’t follow through for the sake of the trainees while also hoping it did for the sake of the trainees.

Either way the meeting lasted right up until lunch, as they usually did. A lesson among many in the company he’d learned the hard way. Though he was a bit thankful as it coincided with Gunhee asking if he’d like to get lunch, well plus a friend or two. And after agreeing to meet in the building to eat for once, Changkyun found himself all smiles again as he resolutely refused to look in the training rooms. Give or take a few glances their way and into the one that had housed Kihyun earlier, in a passing by whole face in the window sort of way. Changkyun noted no one was in any of them, not that he’d been looking but he noted it anyway. 

The cafeteria was a sight for sore eyes by the time he reached it, having been running too late to eat that morning. But Changkyun waited for Gunhee, or more accurately his text telling him it was okay to get food first. Which he did with haste after his friend said he didn’t mind. He wondered if he should be suspicious since the only thing Gunhee had said was that since he was bringing a friend Changkyun was more than welcome to start first. But he knew it wasn’t like Gunhee knew anything about the soul marks. He couldn’t know. 

Still the longer he sat with his food, thankful for the extended lunch that he was afforded for the day, the harder it was to sit still. The question of who Gunhee could be bringing with him weighing on his mind. It wasn’t like Changkyun hadn’t met any of the rappers friends, a few people who greeted them while they were out. Or a few names the rapper dropped that Changkyun actually knew from around the building. It wasn’t until he really thought about it though that he remembered Gunhee was best friends with Jooheon, probably friends with Monsta. Monsta, who at least a few of were in the building. 

Changkyun tried not to choke on the small bite of food he’d just taken at that thought. It didn’t help when he spotted Gunhee with not the one or two friends he promised but six. A distinct group of six that Changkyun wanted to pretend he didn’t know from sight alone. He couldn’t, not anymore than he could ignore the sudden onslaught of butterflies in his stomach. Nor the way his mark ached, throbbing softly as it pulled his eyes towards the group with his friend. He thought about running, escaping, and never looking back. 

He knew it wouldn’t do any good, Gunhee was already waving at him. He waved back like the good boy he knew himself to be, even if he was dying on the inside. Six pairs of eyes turned to look at him as well and it was like a punch to the gut, his mark hot and starting to sweat under the armband. There was no mistaking the reaction, his soulmate or soulmates were looking right at him. Swallowing he reminded himself that he did want them, whoever his soulmate happened to be, even if there were more than he expected. He wanted them. Gods did he want them.

Now just wasn’t the time to think about that and he knew it. Instead it was time to think about how awkward he wasn’t going to be. What he could and couldn’t say, because he was not, even if he died first, going to let Monsta know how big of a fanboy he was of theirs. And it was then he remembered the lie he’d told Gunhee, about a scar he didn’t have. Suddenly he recalled all the probing questions the rapper had asked about Monsta and he realized, he’d been set up. How he wasn’t sure, but he knew the moment Gunhee’s eyes met his again that was exactly the case. The smug grin was telling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I think the reveal is gonna be coming up soonish? I apologize it's taking so long? Like who writes a romance and has zero interactions for 9+ chapters...........(I know it's not only me I asked someone more knowledgeable to be sure)


	10. Meeting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was feeling like updating more because of all the lovely comments I've gotten on this. Also All In ended yesterday so it's kinda like a chapter of my life ended with it.
> 
> Ah quick side note I will use a few Monsta X songs, but obviously we aren't following the album release timeline.

Trying to control his breathing Changkyun barely remembered to swallow his last bite of food as Gunhee and Monsta headed towards his table. Well, he supposed it was their table now. The thought was hyperventilating inducing, but he kept it cool by taking a drink and looking away. He tried not to choke as he heard food being settled down across from him and beside him. It took an inordinate amount of time to glance to the side, the one that was unfortunately not blocked off by the wall of the cafeteria. He wasn’t sure if he was happy or upset to see Gunhee beside him. 

The older male smiled at him encouragingly and waved his hand around the table, not with an introduction. No just a wave of his hand in a ‘these are the friends I told you about’ way. As if he knew beyond certainty that Changkyun knew who he’d brought to sit with them. Of course it was true, should be true Changkyun reminded himself as he attempted to smile around the table following the hand gesture. He wasn’t sure he didn’t look like a deer caught in headlights, but he was trying and that had to amount for something. 

He knew if he was lucky he could play it off as meeting real celebrities outside of a video shoot and professional context. Well, maybe he could do so as they were all staring at him expectantly, even Gunhee. Though he could tell the rapper was hiding a smile behind his hand the lines around his eyes alone. They were tilted upwards in amusement, a tale tell sign. It only hit him after a long pause he was supposed to introduce himself at this point. After all, he was the only unknown at the table. He wasn’t a celebrity of any kind.

“Im Changkyun.” The name was a bit sudden, so was the small bow over his food and his cheeks gained color just like his voice had gained depth. Unintentionally. He hoped it wasn’t too obvious why he was nervous, being nervous in of itself wasn’t a bad thing after all. Some people didn’t handle meeting new people well, or celebrities well at that. The fact he wasn’t one of those people wasn’t the point as there was no way that Monsta, or even Gunhee would know that. 

“It’s nice to meet you.” Shownu was the one to answer, his brown eyes big and deep enough to drown in, not that Changkyun was trying to or anything. Instead he was too focused on the way the leader’s voice rumbled, low but not at the same time. It was a nice voice. One he’d easily fallen in love with while it was singing. It was something he was trying not to dwell on while in the older male’s company but it was all his brain kept coming back to as he stared at a friendly smile. 

“Gunhee has told us all about you.” It was Jooheon this time and Changkyun realized it was the first time he’d really heard his voice free of background noise and professionalism. It was nice, softer than the hard image he usually had on in the photos, probably from the lack of fans around. Or not having to control the rambunctious group he managed. The softness of his voice didn’t stop Changkyun’s blood from draining from his face, his mind racing over what Gunhee might have said. Might have thought about him.

“It was only good things.” Gunhee teased and Changkyun wondered if it was because he looked stricken. He most assuredly felt stricken. But everyone else was smiling so he smiled back, trying to keep the sheer and utter panic off his face. He and Gunhee weren’t that close but he still wasn’t sure what the other could have said. “I told them you were a big fan of theirs.” The rapper was smiling and suddenly Changkyun felt exposed. He’d been working so hard to hide his fanboy ways.

He hazarded a glance around the table, the band was still smiling, eating too as if watching him were a show. For all he knew it might be with the way his face felt like it was on fire and the one secret he’d been trying to keep was out. Well, one half of the secret was out. But just like with anything else once half of it was known figuring out the other half was easier. He doubted the same logic applied here, but in his current situation he wasn’t sure logic was still his ally. 

After all, logic would have dictated thinking ahead and asking who Gunhee was bringing. And avoiding the whole problem of having lunch with the group of six men he’d been obsessed with, lusting after, and all around focused on. Logic would have dictated that a soul mark couldn’t be gotten through eye contact via a TV screen. No Changkyun had long ago decided logic wasn’t on his side and hadn’t been for awhile. Still he had to know. “How did you know?” His voice was low again, only this time for a different reason.

Gunhee openly gaped at him. He stole a glance at Kihyun, the member in his peripheral vision, and then at Shownu who was directly across from him. Both of them were giving him amused looks, so openly amused that he took the chance on the rest of the table. All of them were wearing similar looks, except the rapper beside him. Who had finally composed himself and looked three seconds from laughing. He didn’t though instead he countered with a question of his own. “Were you trying to hide it?”

The tone gave Changkyun the distinct impression that the rapper was going to try to spare his feelings. But he nodded nonetheless. He’d rather know the truth, even if it were a rather public one in the moment. It wasn’t like things could get worse. If Monsta did indeed know he was a fanboy the straight up approach about their ‘tattoos’ and his mark was not going to work. They’d definitely think he was a raving lunatic and never actually want to sit down with him like this again. 

“You whispered ‘don’t fanboy, don’t fanboy’ into your cup when we sat down.” The words were like a punch to the gut, spoken directly from Kihyun’s mouth. There was a small smirk there, unsure but confident all in one glorious movement of lips. The brunette shook his head and Changkyun felt himself flush. It sounded like something he might have said. “Don’t worry too much.” Kihyun had added, taking a drink that hid his face, smile included but it was obvious in his voice. 

Changkyun tried to take that to heart glancing at Gunhee who was studying him closely as he finally went back to eating. If only so he didn’t have to look at anyone anymore or acknowledge that his ears were red with embarrassment. Still he had to know how they knew before that because it was obvious that they did. Before they’d ever sat down. He wasn’t sure he could ask though as a silence fell upon them, well a sort of silence. There was a lot shifting, awkward glances, and the sound of nervous eating. 

But the moment passed and the topic dropped. Sort of. It shifted instead after a sudden question from Minhyuk, his blonde hair bouncing in his excitement to know. “What’s your favorite song on our new album?” Changkyun almost choked on the small bite of food he’d taken at the other’s loudness in what had been a heavy silence. It was nice though, cheerful. Still the question felt like a trap as the album had just been put out a few days ago. He’d heard a few of the horror stories about songs being added last minute. 

So he made a show of thinking about it looking at the expectant and interested faces before him. It was only now he could see how nervous they all were as well, and it made him relax a little more. From what he could tell Monsta were just as nervous meeting him as he was meeting them. It awoke the thought of what if, what if they knew who he was to them, what if they had arranged this with Gunhee, what if they liked what they saw. The what ifs were endless and he pushed them all back into the closet they came from instead answering the question. “5:14, Wonho’s song.” 

Wonho lit up like a Christmas tree and Changkyun felt his own cheeks heating up as well. Boyishly charming was a phrase made for Wonho. Even with all his muscles they paled in comparison to the sweet way the drummer smiled and presented himself. Like a bunny, but a big strong bunny that could probably crush someone yet they’d rather do it with love. His voice was bashful too when he thanked him and he probably would have said more too. But Hyungwon was suddenly alert, an alarm sounding that made them all jump.

“We’ll have to cut this short this time.” The smile was baleful on Hyungwon’s lips, but still oh so handsome, when he looked down at his phone silencing the sound. “It was nice meeting you Changkyun.” The smile he beamed at Changkyun was pouty perfection that had him swallowing. But he noticed a look shared between the six as they shared their farewells, and what felt like a lingering look at him. He didn’t dare make anything of it as he saw them off from where he was trapped at the table. Beside him Gunhee was smirking again. 

“That wasn’t very nice.” Changkyun mumbled poking at the food still left on his plate, it was cold now he was sure. It didn’t matter. There wasn’t anything that could quite damper his mood at this point. Even just meeting Monsta like that, awkward, unexpectedly, and under prepared made his day. Not that he was going to give Gunhee the satisfaction of knowing that. He didn’t appreciate the sudden knowledge that his secret was known either. 

“It wasn’t that bad.” Gunhee shrugged and he was looking at the armband again. In a way that sent a shiver down Changkyun’s spine another what if popping out of the closet at him. He ignored it and the rapper sighed. “Okay it wasn’t that great either, I probably should have warned you. I’m sorry.” He looked apologetic enough Changkyun found himself giving in with a nod, but he still had questions.

“How did you know I’m a fan?” The question got him the same look it had the first time, followed by a slow blink and head shake. As if Gunhee couldn’t believe he was truly serious. But he’d been working so hard to hide that Monsta were his favorite group right now. He didn’t listen to their music at work, unless it was playing already, he didn’t talk about them, much, and he most certainly didn’t tell anyone he was a fan. Briefly he wondered if Gunhee thought it strange he had confessed to being his fan straight up but refused to tell Monsta he was a fan. 

“You really weren’t doing a good job hiding it Changkyun.” Gunhee sighed and ran a hand over his face. Changkyun waited for the rest of his reply. “Everyone knows you’re a Monsta fan. It’s pretty obvious in the way you perk up when they’re mentioned or you ask about them.” That was a pointed look if Changkyun had ever seen one. Though he got the feeling that wasn’t everything. As if Gunhee was holding back and with a little more prodding he got more of the truth.

“Okay so Jooheon also remembered seeing you waiting for them outside the building about a month back. He’s very good with faces and he wanted to meet you.” The answer that was conceded made Changkyun’s head spin. But that wasn’t all Gunhee had to say, the smug smile slipping back into place once he had Changkyun’s focus again. “Also I thought I’d introduce you, since it should make things less awkward for you, even just a little, when you have to work on their set.” 

All of his thoughts short circuited on the phrase ‘work on their set’ and it echoed over and over in his mind for a good few seconds. Gunhee muttered something like ‘with outbursts like that’. The rest of it was lost on him though as he realized he was poking his other hand with his fork not his food remains. He was going to be working with Monsta, maybe. He needed more details. He needed a lot more information as well, so as not to make a fool of himself like that again. “What set?” He finally asked tilting his head realizing he hadn’t heard anything about it to begin with. 

“The one that just got approved today. I’m sure they’ll tell you about it later. But for now I wanted you to meet them. They’re nice right?” Gunhee waggled an eyebrow and Changkyun tried not to blush at his own thoughts which were miles apart from his friend’s. “Either way I’ve got to get back to work and so do you. I can see your boss glaring at me from across the room.” Changkyun looked up and sure enough there they were, pointing to their watch. He looked at his own and cursed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well that's happened. But what will happen next?


	11. Sorry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a bit stressed at the moment thinking about life stuff and career paths. I want to publish books one day but I actually have to put food on the table first. *sigh*

Gunhee had been right about working with Monsta, but of course he was. Changkyun knew that he had no reason to lie, on either front. Though that didn’t make the truth pill any easier to swallow than it had been at the table. Instead he had to accept that the truth was out, had been out, and maybe had never even been hidden to begin with. As once the meeting re-adjourned, after a ten minute lecture on being late on long lunches, all eyes were on him at the single mention of Monsta. 

The plans weren’t even concrete, though his involvement was, and no one even spared his illusion that he was hiding his fanboy ways. Instead staring at him pointedly. It was something he tried not to think about on the commute home or once he arrived either. But either in spite of himself, or because he was trying too hard he could only think about it. More specifically how he was going to handle being around Monsta when everyone was going to be side eyeing him. Knowing. 

Not that being a fan was a bad thing, he’d seen plenty of fans of various groups working on their sets. Interacting with them even, granted they all kept it under control in front of them. Or had become fans while working with them. And he couldn't even do that apparently. His case was of course a bit different though. He sincerely doubted that anyone else at work was possibly hiding a soul mark that they shared with their idol.

Or at least no one he’d seen. And what were the odds of that anyway? Still he knew he couldn’t be like the others, he wasn’t just hiding being a fanboy. He wasn’t even sure he was just a fanboy at this point. Not with the way his heart raced and his mark burned when Monsta even so much as looked in his general direction earlier. Eating lunch with them had been something like heaven but also a little bit like hell. Though he was admittedly glad to have met them off set.

Just as he was finally drawing his thoughts away from the lunch he didn’t want to hyper focus on, he got a text about it. It was Gunhee, apologizing for how awkward things had turned out and if Changkyun didn’t know any better he might have bought it. But he got the feeling Gunhee was up to something. Had been up to something long before he’d brought the entirety of Monsta with him. Still it was hard to call him out for it. It wasn’t like Gunhee could know after all, he’d bought the simple scar story. Or at least he thought he had. Being outed was starting to make him question everything. 

After all, Gunhee had said that Jooheon remembered him from standing outside with those fangirls. He’d also said that Monsta had insisted on coming, a story he backed up in text saying he originally planned to only bring Jooheon. But once Monsta heard they were meeting they’d told him they were coming. It made a shiver run down his spine and his mark ache to think about the fact that Monsta forced their way to lunch with him. Not that he minded them doing that, not really. It just made him wonder like it had at lunch. 

All the questions he’d been trying to ignore came out now as he cooked dinner, his thoughts drifting while he tried not to burn anything. Gunhee had texted him again but it wasn’t important. Not in the face of the questions he finally allowed himself to ask. Such as if his mark was reacting, if he knew he was looking at his soulmate, wasn’t it possible they did to? Wasn’t it possible that Monsta, or whichever member really had a soul mark was drawn to him as well? His head was spinning at the idea that all six of them might have felt a longing to be close to him. 

It felt even more unrealistic than it had when he realized what the mark on his wrist was. He tried to shove the thoughts back to where they came from and in the process burnt his dinner. Eating the burnt food was better than looking at Gunhee’s comforting text. A story about a fan who came to work for K. Will that fell madly in love with him and they even dated for awhile. A long while and no one batted an eye at the fact they were a fan first, since they worked together for so long without any problems.

It didn’t make him feel better. If anything it made him feel worse and more suspicious about what Gunhee was trying to do. He responded nicer than he wanted to though with an overly interested tone. He couldn’t say he wasn’t curious how it turned out though, there had to be policies after all. Which he asked about subtly. But in the end Gunhee couldn’t tell him much other than not to worry about it that much.

Still he, late into the night and all through his normal shows and personal designing homework. His thoughts didn’t drift away from the topic until he forced them on to task for the actual set he’d be working with the next day. A small set for a bigger set for something that someone was doing. He hadn’t really been paying that much attention after Monsta had been mentioned. Just enough to know what he needed to do and to figure out how. Which was his job, who he was working with shouldn’t matter. 

He knew that. Had known that when he first got into stage design. He was there to highlight what was put before him, not to work exclusively with an image of a group. Concepts were his bread and gravy so to speak and any group could do any concept. Which was an easier thought to swallow than the thought that Monsta might keep showing up now that he’d met them. Stage design was easier to think about than the mark on his wrist. It was at least something he could do something with. Something he could control. And he certainly didn't have to hide his interest in it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I took so long, I was debating on how to do texting. If I would do texting. I've never done it in a story before and I don't like the idea of it.
> 
> Everything is edited up to here


	12. Waiting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry we'll get to Monsta interactions. But... y'all we got to get Changkyun prepared. Cause...well...😉

Now that he knew that everyone knew he was a fanboy, Changkyun found himself wondering how he'd thought he'd hid it. With all the looks he got when Monsta were mentioned in gossip, or the side glances at him when their songs played it was obvious. Literally everyone knew. Though he got the feeling that he was at least subtle enough that no one was complaining. In the short while he'd worked at Starship he'd seen a total of two overly fanatic fans fired. He had to be doing better than them, he hoped. He wasn't about to ask. 

Instead he worked on his set quietly and tried not to panic when he heard gossip. The keyword was tried. Though he felt that in his defense he was entitled to freak out this one time. The gossip was, after all, about himself. Whispered and secretly passed on through all of the stage hands and crew. A rumor that Monsta had insisted on their number one fan working with them. Or that's the jist he got from the rumor floating around saying they were trying to get their fans in the building in their music video. Well among wilder things. Gunhee had of course corrected the mistaken version for him. 

Rumor or not part of it was true. They were going to be working with their fanboy. Which was how the rumor was brought to him, the fanboy. Of course others had come to him with different rumors from the outlandish to the mundane. All of which he'd denied, including the truth that they'd asked for him. They had been correct, but he didn't want anyone to know that. He wasn't supposed to know but Gunhee had let it slip while being overly loud in the hallway on the phone. Changkyun found it suspicious but again couldn't call him out on it.

All he could do was keep his nose to the grindstone. Which he did diligently, as if there wasn't a countdown on his phone until the meeting for the set with Monsta. The date was still over a week away and the finalizing of the plans were still in process. As to what they were filming was still being written. It wasn't a music video as Gunhee had led him to believe but a variety program of their own and it meant a whole lot more work. Work that Changkyun was doing his best not to think too much about either. 

For as it turned out he was quite out of his depth when he’d come to Starship in ways he hadn’t expected. At the theater it had been on job, consistently doing the same thing over and over for different groups. That wasn’t the way with the company unless you got a permanent and fixed position. Which he had, just not as what he’d wanted and he’d learned the hard way that creative set adviser was polite way of saying someone who does everything a stagehand does and more. Granted he liked the job but it also included things he’d never had to deal with before.

Chief among the new things he’d learned was working with a set location specialist and the general public a bit more. Things he’d never had to do with the theater as it was always a set location, the theater. He’d started, in his free time, to ask around for pointers from other creative set advisers. They were helpful, understanding, and informative. They also smiled at him knowingly in a way he wasn’t sure how to take but they praised him for his work on the few things he helped them with. He told himself this was how he’d make a name for himself in the industry. 

That thought was the only thing that saw him through the week until the meeting with the finalized information about Monsta’s new project. It was to be called ‘Right Now’ and it was minimally scripted for the most part. Changkyun didn’t look at the scripted parts, he wouldn’t have anything to do with them. He did however glance around the meeting room at those holding scripts. There were quite a few of them and he recognized other creative set advisers. They were holding the same paperwork as he was. 

Their job was mainly making sure that the locations were free of people, advertisements, and arranged properly. He’d heard about this from the people he’d asked before and it didn’t surprise him that he’d be working hand and hand with the location specialist. What did surprise him was that he was written down for every location when the people he’d spoken with said that usually they were assigned a location or two. That way they could get things set up before the rest of the crew arrived for the filming that day. It was rare for one of them to follow the artists, but had happened before. 

Changkyun tried to focus on the meeting happening around him not the fact that the rare instance, they’d assure him was unlikely, was happening. So far that had been his life for the last roughly, half a year maybe more. It was all starting to blur together was he threw himself fully into the line of work he loved and wanted to do for the rest of his life. In a way he felt sort of accomplished for achieving part of his life goal so quickly, even if the reasons behind it weren’t all career motivated. He’d done it. He was here working on sets. 

Those were the thoughts that kept him from hyperventilating or fanboying beyond repair before, during, and after the meeting. Gunhee was waiting for him when the meeting ended to go to dinner. Thankfully a Monsta free dinner, as Changkyun wasn’t sure he was going to be able to cap his incoming panic attack. He’d known what to expect, well sort of, he’d heard about filming shows and how long it took and what it took behind the scenes. Kind of. He’d asked around, he’d done his research, and he’d been diligent, but he still wasn’t prepared. 

Gunhee had smiled at him and listened to him freaking out with a wistful smile and understanding ear. One he wished he had for the real underlying problem that was half the reason for his nerves just as much as doing a good job on something new. He still had no one to talk to about the soul mark on his wrist. Though he’d tried bringing it up with his friends, they’d given him weird looks and he’d stopped his hypothetical discussion faster than he’d ever thought to stop an argument about aliens. 

Still he didn’t want to tell Gunhee about it either. After all he was indeed best friends with Jooheon, who also bore the same mark. Though Changkyun couldn’t bring himself to believe that all six of them were meant for him. Logically anyway, but his heart always sped up at the thought and butterflies set loose in his stomach. Just as they did now listening to Gunhee’s advice about Monsta and trying to calm his fears in a way that soothed his inner fanboy. Because he was sure that was what was Gunhee was doing, no matter how many glances he stole to the armband. 

After the dinner Changkyun admittedly felt better about things. Gunhee had filmed a survival show so he knew what some of the inner workings were. And he gave good advice, his friends also gave him advice when he told them the news via text. All that was left to do was pack, mark up his calendar, and breathe. There were still a few days before shooting started and he was being shipped out to the location a few days ahead of Monsta. He reminded himself of this as he dug through his wardrobe for his best clothes and nicest things. He reminded himself again as he took a shower and once more when he laid down. There was still time to prepare.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have edited up to this point. And I'm gonna call it at 20 or less chapters. Unless Gunhee or one of them drastically throws us off course again.


	13. Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well...I'm still not sure how this will end. And I'll probably keep it that way until it does end. (I prefer it) That said I can still feel it coming. Yet I'm still surprised we're on chapter 13 already.

Time, it seemed to have slipped away from him while he was working. But it was catching up and quickly. Changkyun tried not to think about it though as he stared at himself in the mirror, today Monsta would start filming granted he wouldn’t have anything to do with them on the first day. Other than seeing them in passing and possibly during film breaks. As he was required to be on set while they were filming in case they needed him or his advice. There were no set designers for this type of filming. The thought had him swallowing uneasily.

Butterflies erupted in his stomach as his alarm sounded. He’d woken up fifteen minutes before it but all he’d done was sit up and stare at himself in the mirror. His clothes were already picked out and all he needed was a quick shower, a touch of make-up in case, and to get dressed. But his feet felt like lead and his mark itched. It had been itching since the night before, starting at the time he knew Monsta’s plane landed from the schedule. The implications were not lost on him. 

Those and more were thoughts he neglected in the shower listening to music from home, from America and his teen years. Which he did sometimes when the emo mood stroke. And it was striking now at the thought of being so close and yet so far away. In the last few weeks, since he’d first had lunch with Monsta really, he’d felt the distance between them more strongly. His mark aching when they were so much as in the building but he had no excuse to see them. Or any idea how either. He wasn’t about to ask Gunhee to set up another lunch. Though his friend had dropped the idea in passing quite a few times. 

He’d been too busy trying to prepare for this. Because his career still mattered. He still wanted to be a set designer, now more than ever really having worked so closely with one. It made his dreams more tangible and his desires to see Monsta on his stage, filming with his designs stronger. Now that he’d gotten this far there was no turning back. Still his thoughts stuttered on the thought of his mark, their marks in relation with his career, with their careers. Of course he was sure somewhere in the wide world there was an idol with a mark, he was sure they wouldn’t make it in South Korea.

One of the many harsh realities he’d learned working in the industry was just how much of it was regulated by things that didn’t matter. Award shows that were often rigged, dating ‘scandals’, and an over all the fan is right attitude that were toxic to one’s mental health. Even behind the scenes idols were not left alone to have a personal life. Just another reason he hadn’t tried to take Gunhee up on his offer, another fear he harbored about them, about his soulmate or soulmates. He didn’t want to cause their dreams to come crashing down because of him. 

It was something that he’d looked into, at least a little bit with the stories he’d found. There was at least one famous person on the list of people, well former famous person. Their career had taken a nosedive for reasons other than having a soul mark. Like murder, but their soulmate had stayed by their side and written all about the experience to boot. A cool fourteen ninety-nine could buy him that book. He’d passed on it of course but he’d been curious enough to look into it. But an author and an band member were worlds and worlds apart. 

Which of course meant he’d looked into the dating scandals, well what South Korea passed as dating scandals. Changkyun knew that in America no American would ever bat an eye at some of these ‘dating scandals’. There wasn’t any cheating, no violence, nothing dramatic other than two people saw it fit to date and see each other outside of work. Still he could only imagine the kind of actual scandal it would be for Monsta, not just one of them, but all of them to be found dating one man. Even in America that would draw up a lot of eyebrows. 

Yet, Changkyun didn’t want to turn back even knowing what might happen to Monsta, what might happen to him. He would rather try and stand tall in the face of everything, even if their decision was ultimately one that might hurt he wanted to give Monsta the chance to make it. To let them know about him, about the mark. At least that’s what he decided as he got out of the shower, stared at himself in the mirror and almost made himself late. As it always seemed finding determination and courage were the hardest things to do. 

Changkyun felt better for having made a decision, even if he might backtrack on it just a little bit when he saw the band. In his heart he knew what he wanted, and the butterflies that only beat harder in his stomach at his resolve told him he might be deciding correctly. For he could, theoretically get rid of his mark or let it fade away by leaving. Both of those thoughts only made his heart ache, squeezing painfully at even having read them online. Neither were the path for him, but he couldn’t, wouldn’t blame his soulmate or soulmates if they chose one. He tried to push all those thoughts away as he ran towards the site.

It was easier said than done, his mark itching, burning, pulling him forward to where he knew the band was. To where all six, including Jooheon were getting makeup before they headed out to the actual site location where the cameras were set up. He could almost picture them, but he forced himself not to. Instead inspecting the pier they would be standing on coming up with their catch phrase. Well, sort of that part was scripted but the action they made for it was up to them, he hoped it was something charming. 

Ultimately he wasn’t able to see, despite trying his best Changkyun found himself toiling away the hours on real work. Set work, keeping the general public placated, and unexpectedly running errands. He only caught one glimpse of Monsta, they were in street clothes all carefully debranded and looking more sheepish than he’d thought they would. It left him chuckling about their duality all through the day as he heard different accounts of what happened. None of the staff holding back from him, their smiles wide and knowing as they told him.

He didn’t try to hide how much he was enjoying knowing, or that he truly wanted to know. Or really watch, even though he couldn’t he was too busy. Though all the female staff giggled and assured him there was still plenty of filming time left and that he’d get to see the star of the moment plenty. The giggling he tried not to think about but their assurances were nice. Yet he found himself missing Gunhee, just a little bit as it always seemed the other male knew everything. As if he were in on everything really. 

Night had fallen when he saw Monsta again, returning to the same hotel he was staying in, though he doubted any of them were in single rooms like himself. Somehow he’d drawn the lucky straw for the only single room in a few locations. This one and a few others he couldn’t really remember with his brain as drained as it was from the day. It didn’t matter, his stomach filled with butterflies and his mark, that had finally settled down pulled at his wrist. He saw them smiling at him and he waved. They looked like they were going to approach but Jooheon stopped them.

They were ushered another direction, and if he weren’t mistaken all six sent him apologetic looks. Though none were quite as powerful as Jooheon’s as if he were apologizing for putting his job first over Changkyun. It was a feeling that set into his bones as he drug himself to his room and threw himself on the bed. He’d learned a lot today. A lot of which he knew he had to directly thank Monsta for. As more than one staff member had told him that his presence was insisted upon by the band, but he was well worth their praise. It was a nice feeling on both fronts. But it left him with questions.

Questions that led him back to Jooheon’s sincere eyes and how it seemed that Monsta wanted to come to him. He thought about their careers as he got ready for bed. Mostly he thought about how they might make them work. Because he couldn’t deny what he wanted, what he’d decided upon was still what he’d decided upon. He wanted his soulmate or his soulmates, he more than kind of hoped it was soulmates. Staring at his mark while falling asleep he hoped they wanted him too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well as always thoughts encouraged. I love knowing your thoughts <3


	14. Second day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well ya'll here we are. Finally something is going to happen. Finally. A lot of you have made some very good guesses, but not quite right. I suppose I did well to throw you off the scent <3 But I won't say anything ^ . ~
> 
> Ah also I need a beta reader for a new JooKyunKi project DM on Twitter if you're interested

The second day of filming was a lot of refilming what they’d already shot. Which meant that Changkyun wasn’t needed quite as much and he could watch the proceedings a little bit more clearly. Well from the director’s side and with a ton of staff surrounding him. He caught more than a few looks his way though when the camera wasn’t rolling and he’d greeted Monsta properly that morning. So all in all things were looking up from the first day of filming. At least he hoped they were as the hours slipped by. 

Before he’d even realized it lunch was rolling around and somehow it felt like the day had gone much faster than the day before. He wondered if the lingering feeling of looks that were sprinkled between the hours. Or maybe it was the less than subtle looks that Monsta were giving him whenever they stopped for a moment and were talking with staff. Looks that pretty much begged him to go to them. He wasn’t sure he was reading them right though. As they always flitted away before he got the courage to make a move of his own. 

Changkyun did find the courage to eat with the band though, slipping alongside them at one of the large plastic tables at the restaurant they’d reserved for their meal after the filming had finished that was. Of course he’d been beckoned by Jooheon first and maybe he’d gotten a shove or two from a female staff member. That he wasn’t sure on because all that remained of that idea was a sore spot and giggles behind him. It was no less awkward than the first time only this time he was approaching them. 

He could feel his palms sweating around the tray of food he was carrying, a small meal as he wasn’t sure he could handle more. Not today. Not in front of them. They smiled at him as he settled down and he could feel everyone else’s eyes on them. Because they knew, of course they all knew about his fanboy ways. He could feel his mark burning as he smiled around the table, making eye contact. For a split second his eyes traveled down to their tattoos, to their marks. They looked perfectly normal, but yet like exactly like his. 

“How are you enjoying the job change?” Kihyun was the first to speak up, partly because he was the only one who hadn’t been eating when he came over. The brunette had a knowing smile on his face and Changkyun could feel it tugging at his heart strings with how wide it was. He wondered if his own smile was anywhere near as well formed, he doubted it with the way his heart picked up speed and his almost dropped his food. “They aren’t working you too hard are they?” 

“Ah...no.” Changkyun finally found his words after a quick swallow and drink. He wondered why Kihyun might ask if they were working him too hard, but he could easily see from the coworkers around him they were still watching. “It’s a bit different than what I’m used to, but it’s not bad. I wasn’t expecting to ever be filming on variety show. Or at least not anytime so soon.” He smiled to himself thinking of the days he’d spent only dreaming about the experience. The market was just as hard for a show set as it was for a company job. 

“Do you like it?” Minhyuk’s wide eyes were looking at him eager and curious as the blonde took a huge bite watching his face. It was almost as if to stop himself from saying something else along with that question. Changkyun gave himself a second to think about it, also wondering if maybe he was just reading too much into things. It was possible, after all his mark was still burning more subtly now but still doing it. Calling him to accept his soulmate, or soulmates here and now. He wasn’t quite sure how to do that, how to possibly accept these talented men could like him. 

Instead of answering he asked a question of his own. One he’d been curious about from the outside looking in. “Do you like it? Isn’t a lot of show recording kind of cringey and hard?” He blushed looking down at his food when Wonho’s eyes met his, interested. “I mean I like watching and being on set but it seems like it’s harder to do now that I’ve seen this side of things.” He felt a little silly now for asking if they enjoyed their job, obviously they did or they wouldn’t be chasing their dream by doing it.

“It’s not all bad.” Hyungwon smiled, it was lazy and Changkyun caught the last edges of it when he looked up. The blonde was idly tapping his fingers on the table, more inhaling the scent of the food now than actually eating. “You’re right that it can be cringey but that’s what the fans like sometimes.” He shrugged and Changkyun told himself he didn’t follow the movement as he scratched his arm lightly, hoping they wouldn’t notice. “A lot of bands don’t end up having variety shows of this scale so we’re thankful.” 

Changkyun nodded thinking back about the truth of that statement. He’d seen many idol groups on shows, having their own, and being invited both fairly equally. Bands weren’t quite as often. He wondered if it was because of the double effort of practicing an instrument and vocals. “That’s true enough.” He smiled softly around the table and tried to ignore the way he felt his heart speed up but they were doing well so far. It wouldn’t hurt to talk more, to know them better. They already knew he was a fanboy it wouldn’t hurt to ask them things he was sure. 

He didn’t get the chance as Shownu asked him about his food, more accurately why he wasn’t eating very much. It only warmed his heart further as they all stared at him, then his plate, and collectively worried about his health. So far so good. Until the topic went where he wasn’t sure he wanted to go. It was Jooheon, still going on about how skinny he seemed when he pointed to the armband, his eyes too keen with a ‘what’s this?’. He felt his heart freeze, and his brain turn against him as he tried desperately to remember exactly what he’d told Gunhee about it. 

For the life of him he couldn’t remember and it burned, itched, and begged to be released. To be seen, to be known. A split second decision had him looking down at his plate, fingers drifting along the edge of the band when a staff member came over to them telling them it was time to leave. He hesitated for a moment, eyes scanning all of theirs, they were heavy as if they knew he was weighing a decision. One he saw echoed in their own eyes. They all turned away to the staff at the same time all smiles as they left. Excusing themselves with an ‘I’ll see you on set’ that made his heart pound. He wondered if he made the right decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MUWAHAHAHAHahahahaahaa 
> 
> okay so really I was evil giggling when I realized how this chapter ends but I can't record my demented pixie laugh and put the audio here so make due with this. <3


	15. Reaching out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well I know you're all gonna say aren't you resting???? But I am. I just had this update almost finished right after finishing the last one. I'm still working on the other story (JooKyunKi) but...I have issues with focus...there was also coffee involved...

Changkyun realized he’d made the wrong decision all too quickly. The lingering looks were gone, the smiles he’d had thrown his way were gone too. Instead he caught small glimpses of worry, frown lines, and heavy looks. He could only wonder what they were about as he lay in bed that night his own concerns creeping up on him. What if he’d made them feel unwanted? What if he’d given them the wrong idea about him? What if he’d messed up some other way? He knew it was possible that they knew about his mark, actually he was feeling ever more certain that they did. 

Though he wasn’t sure on that either. But the more he thought about it logically, from the point of view of someone who wasn’t fighting with logic, the more it made sense. They were approaching him, they made sure to work with him at least according to Gunhee, and they were watching him. All of which were signs of interest. Granted they might not all be related to the soul marks or even related to them at all. The likelihood of them not being related was slim and he knew it. It was just he hadn’t wanted to face it, to think that maybe he was just as responsible for making a move as they were. 

It was scary, no matter how resolved he’d told himself to be. No matter how much he wanted them to know he wanted them. What if he was wrong? What if all six of them weren’t his? What would he do then? The thoughts only chased him into sleep making it restless. He was thankful that tomorrow he’d be moving sets and wouldn’t need to see Monsta. He wasn’t sure he could face them after that, at least not so soon. Somewhere in his heart it felt like he’d rejected them. He hadn’t, not really. But he supposed if they knew like he thought they did he had. 

Which wasn’t what he wanted. Not what he wanted at all. They’d reached out their hand to him and he’d failed to take it. He promised himself he wouldn’t let that happen again, next time he’d extend his own hand. A promise he intended to keep by doing something maybe, kind of, well just a little bit drastic. Even though it wasn’t his normal way it was important to him, to them he was sure, for him to be open about what he was thinking. About what he knew he wanted, even if it was the most terrifying thing to admit aloud. 

The only question was how to get them alone enough to tell them everything. To let them know him, and his shy quirks that had probably made them feel rejected. Because if they hadn’t been interrupted, if he’d been quicker, maybe a touch more bold he’d have told them. It made him wonder how Monsta was able to make him like this, as he was normally very confident and not shy. At least for an introvert. But they made him reserved, and just a touch shy or maybe it was the mark. It definitely took a little wind out of his sails not knowing who it was truly a match to. 

In the morning as he was packing he prepared himself for the only thing he could truly do to make amends with Monsta. Well without directly talking to them anyway, as he wouldn’t even be in the same country in a few hours. He texted Gunhee holding his breath and wondering what the other male might say. Never before had he thought he’d end up in a position where he’d be going to someone he knew only briefly for life altering advice. Still he’d done it and in a way it that left him with an out. Just in case. 

After all it was possible Gunhee really didn’t know about his mark, or Monsta’s possible marks. It was still possible that the rapper wouldn’t even believe him like his other friends didn’t. He doubted it but the worry grew with the hours as he waited for a reply. The words he’d used coming back to him over and over just a few minutes after he’d sent them. And they weren’t even anything about the soul marks. Though that part was coming, he had to talk to someone. He couldn’t keep feeling like he was failing because he wasn’t trying. Which it probably felt like to Monsta if they did know.

Still Gunhee took a lot longer to reply than he wanted him to. Leaving him to pass the hours with different thoughts, mostly of work. The question Kihyun had asked him repeating in his mind over and over. He hadn’t been told his job title had changed but he’d felt the differences in what he was doing for sure. And it wasn’t something he’d really put much thought into instead just working hard like he always had. Never before had he really considered what the differences in working on a show and a set stage might be. Though he’d always wanted to do so when he made name for himself. 

Thinking about it more seriously the work didn’t suit him quite as much as working on a set stage did but he could still see himself doing this more often. Working on a show was somehow more and less fulfilling at the same time. It allowed him to have more of a say from what he could tell as a staff member while it also didn’t include as many creative elements. A downfall in his book as that was part of his job he enjoyed. Part of why he’d fallen in love with stage design. There as the perk of different locations, in a more hands on sort of way. Though he knew that also was a perk of being a set designer, not a creative set advisor.

By the time his flight landed, in some not quite remote part of China but not quite not a remote part of China he had an answer. For both Kihyun and Minhyuk, though he wasn’t sure they’d ever ask again it was nice to know for himself. To know that being a set designer was still his goal, his dream, and what he was working towards. That it hadn’t changed despite his new experiences. He found it a bit funny that ultimately Monsta was helping him grow towards that goal, both in letting him be here and in forcing him to pursue it that much quicker to be near them. 

Once he’d arrived at the hotel, little more than an inn really with the more traditional setup, he finally let his thoughts go telling himself to relax. Instead of staying by himself as usual, he went out with the rest of the staff who teased him about Monsta, lightly and otherwise praised his good work. For awhile he could almost forget that he’d probably fucked up, focusing on the people around him he was slowly getting to know. Taking steps towards teasing them as well about their own inner work dealings and having a good time. 

Yet, all it took for his mood to fall, his heart dropping into stomach was to notice he’d missed five texts from Gunhee. Which he’d only noticed because the rapper was calling him despite the time difference of their locations. When he’d excused himself to take the call he knew he wouldn’t be missed much as the other staff members cheered him out. For what he wasn’t sure but judging by the many empty beers around he didn’t need to guess who wasn’t sober and who was. He felt his heart fall further as he said a proper greeting and Gunhee’s reply was ‘What did you do?’.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyone surprised??? Probably not at this point. But I'm excited to write next chapter.


	16. Perspective

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't think everyone would get so mad at Gunhee, my poor innocent baby is only being a good friend. But you'll see soon 😘

Changkyun swallowed dryly hearing Gunhee repeat his question. “What did you do?” He knew what his answer should be, had to be based on what he’d told Gunhee. But he found himself sighing into the phone as he flagged down a taxi asking him to hold on. The rapper seemed placated enough by a response to do so. Though he could tell just from the other’s voice that he was worried, and Changkyun had to wonder who he was worried for him or for Monsta? Or both. He regretted not drinking before when he had the chance. 

“I told you,” He finally said as he slid into the cab handing the driver the address. “I think I upset Monsta somehow and I want to know how to make up with them.” This time it was Gunhee sighing and he could hear various noises in the background which left him with the impression the the rapper was in his studio. Briefly he wondered what time it was in Korea to begin with. He shifted in his seat before settling down watching the driver as he took off. The driver seemed to understand he wanted privacy as he said nothing else and drove.

“While I get that I can’t help you if I don’t know what you did.” Gunhee’s response was reasonable, rational even, yet Changkyun felt like he was truly digging for something else. The thought of it brought up the lingering looks the rapper had sent his armband. All the subtle but there comments about the members of Monsta. The niggling feeling in the back of his mind that Gunhee knew, that he wouldn’t doubt him. A sigh followed a short silence as Changkyun didn’t reply. “Work with me here Changkyun.”

Letting out the breath he’d been holding Changkyun forced himself to let go of his silence as well. He wanted things to work and he knew he couldn’t go it alone. Not this time. This wasn’t a planned trip to Korea, or a sudden career change that majorly affected no one but him. This was his soulmate or soulmates who wanted him to show that he was interested in them. That he was okay with them, or at least that’s what he thought they wanted. After all there were only so many ways they could have taken his actions the other night. 

“It might sound a little…” He found himself struggling for a word that explained exactly how rare and impossible his situation was but he couldn’t find one. “It might sound a little weird but I think, no I know that the tattoos that Monsta have are soul marks.” He took a deep breath and didn’t wait for Gunhee to say anything. The last time he’d even mentioned a soul mark to someone else that friend had directed him to a good skin doctor. “I know because I have one too.” It was a bit freeing to admit it out loud, even if he hadn’t admitted they were a match. This was a step, a big one. 

Gunhee was silent a moment, the background noises continued in his stead until he heard a rustle of clothing. Almost as if Gunhee were shifting around. “I-” The one word was followed by the sound everyone makes when they’re about to say something and decide not to. Changkyun felt his heart rate skyrocket and forced himself to calm down by watching the streets. As far as he could tell he was approaching the hotel. “It doesn’t sound that weird Changkyun.” The other male finally said, a soft acceptance in his voice. 

Changkyun didn’t realize he’d let out a noise of relief until the rapper commented on it. He brushed it off with a small chuckle. “I just didn’t think anyone would believe me. My other friends...I couldn't even talk about it. And I think, I think Monsta wanted me to talk about it. It’s where I wear my armband and…” He hesitated, he could almost see the look of interest on Gunhee’s face even though they were countries apart. The same look the other wore any time he mentioned the band. “You knew.” The words were blurted out but it all made sense, it had always made sense. 

Gunhee tutted just a little bit and Changkyun just knew he was shaking his head. “I thought we went over this Changkyun you’re not as good at hiding things as you think you are. I knew it wasn’t a scar under the armband.” Another deep intake of breath, a hesitation that Changkyun could almost feel as if they were sitting across from each other at lunch. “As to Monsta...They were probably curious because…” Changkyun heard the frustrated sound before he heard a hat being removed, thrown down, and aggravated hair tousling. 

“Look let me level with you.” Gunhee’s voice was suddenly serious and Changkyun held his breath. “I know, I know everything. I know you’ve got a blue Dahlia soul mark hiding under your armband. I know you came to Starship because of Monsta, and I know that they know too. Jooheon called me crying earlier tonight because he thought that you hadn’t accepted them, that you couldn’t accept them.” Changkyun heard more than felt himself take a deep breath but he didn’t dare speak.

Gunhee went on a little less forcefully than he had been going before. “It’s okay to be scared. I realize now you didn’t have anyone to talk to, I tried to be there for you. I just couldn’t, I’m not supposed to, tell you about them. They didn’t want to scare you off, but they’re hurting too. They have the same insecurities you do, well maybe more.” There was a pause filled with a defeated sigh. Changkyun let out a shaky breath and looked out at the hotel, he’d arrived but he was still processing everything as he paid and made his way inside. Gunhee waited patiently when he heard his not so great Chinese. 

Finally he found his voice, it was trembling but he needed to know. “Do they like me then?” There was a laugh, it wasn’t bitter but it wasn’t full. More like the kind you hear after someone asked a very dumb question and it made his ears turn red. Still Changkyun wanted to know, he barely knew them but he wanted to know so much more about them than he did. But he liked them, he liked them for their talents and for what he’d seen of them. Which was admittedly a lot more than they’d seen of him. 

“Changkyun they’re your soulmates, I’m sure if they didn’t like you it would be a very platonic feeling right?” That made Changkyun laugh as well, a short kind of snort at how silly his question sounded coming back to him. “I’m sure, once they know you better and not just through what they see and I slip to them they’ll come to love you.” Gunhee’s voice was supportive and Changkyun wondered when the last time he’d heard a voice like that in personal life was. It had been a while since he had close friends, close enough to talk about love, real love. 

Slipping into his bed, and charging his phone led to small talk. The Monsta variety of why Jooheon was crying and what all he’d said. Which wasn’t as big a deal as it felt like when he’d first heard it as the manager had been drinking, feeling a little put out, and refused in his mind. Changkyun could understand that, really he knew that Monsta had no idea what he was thinking. Just how he’d acted, which if they’d acted that way after such a bold move on his part he might have cried too after drinking. Though Gunhee assured him that he’d assuaged the manager’s feelings, they were best friends after all. 

“How, how did you know all that?” Changkyun finally asked as he settled into a comfortable position with his phone. He could picture Gunhee leaning back in his chair staring at the ceiling, as Changkyun had seen him do many times when he was working through a problem. Though he’d only been to the other’s studio a few times and most were to fetch him for lunch. He’d found him that way most of the time. “How did you know I came here for Monsta? That I’m...that I’m their, soulmate.” 

Gunhee scoffed as if the question weren’t necessary and Changkyun supposed from his perspective it wasn’t. But he answered it anyway. “Jooheon, I told you that he recognized your face from that fan group right?” Changkyun made a noise of agreement realizing a nod wouldn’t work. “Then not too long after he saw you in the company, obviously a new employee why else would you be at Starship instead of another company if you were just chasing your dream? Not to mention their marks appearing after they saw you.” Changkyun nodded to himself this time. 

“I guess that makes sense. It also makes sense on why you approached me and did all those things…” He thought back to when Gunhee showed up for some vague reason to his set, he hadn’t really questioned it then. Only after knowing Gunhee for awhile but he’d let it slide. Just like he’d let the questions slide about Monsta as well as the proding. Then there was the lunch where Gunhee said they insisted to come. “I suppose I should thank you.” He smiled to himself feeling his heart warm with how much the other had truly done for both him and Monsta.

“What are friends for?” Gunhee’s smile could be heard and the thunk of feet hitting the floor. “So have you decided what you’ll do with this information? I’m putting my neck on the line so it better be good. Because when Jooheon finds out it won’t be crying I’ll have to worry about but Shownu and Wonho. Or if he’s really feeling upset about it he’ll get Kihyun and Minhyuk to team up on me.” For a moment they found themselves discussing what exactly Kihyun and Minhyuk might do as Gunhee had told him a few of the horror stories before. 

Still Changkyun wondered about the question and realized that he didn’t really have an answer. He’d reached out to Gunhee looking for an answer, though when reminded of that Gunhee laughed. “Isn’t the best answer honesty?” It was then that Changkyun realized he’d fucked up from the beginning, if he’d been honest all along he might not have hurt them, hurt himself, or drug Gunhee into it. Still he knew how to fix it if honesty was the answer. He just had had to tell Monsta everything, from the beginning. It sounded daunting, but he knew he could do it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See my mans is an angel!
> 
> Ah I was just thinking about where we're going from here and we may pass 20 chapters...ooops


	17. Honesty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're finally here. Which means the end is close. 
> 
> After this finishes I'll probably take a break. A real one. I'll still be writing but not posting. I've pushed myself too far so I'll take a break tho I'll be finishing my other fandom pieces, but they're not far from done either.

Knowing he could do it, and actually doing it were two different things. Changkyun had discovered this lesson several different ways throughout his life but he hadn’t expected confessing would be one. It was today. They were finally on their sixth day of filming, having moved from China a day ago and they were now in Taiwan. And so far there had been very little free time to do anything more than have small talk with the main stars. As the variety show they were doing had many parts and offered very little free time. Well, free time that wasn’t allotted to eating or sleeping. 

Today though they were taking a break, there were a few shots to take then they were free. Free enough Changkyun knew he could get some alone time with Monsta. He just hoped they were willing to talk to him. Not that they’d been anything but kind and polite. But that was all they’d been. He suspected Gunhee hadn’t broken down and told them about their phone call. For which he was grateful because he wanted to do this, knowing they wanted him was nice but he was doing this for himself too. He wanted them, and he wanted them to know that. 

“Jooheon,” He started slipping closer to the manager as the shooting was winding down for the moment. The look he got said interested and ‘go ahead’ but no words were said. He took the cue anyway. “I was wondering if I could talk to you and the band during the break.” He could feel his heart beating nervously as he spoke, his voice didn’t tremble like his heart did, instead it was steady. Solid in a way he’d never expected it to be while he was planning this approach all morning. “Privately.” He added softly.

Jooheon’s face looked hopeful even with the raised eyebrow and the uncertain movement of his hands. “I think we can make time.” The manager finally said after studying his face a moment, Changkyun did his best to smile reassuringly the whole time. He felt like he’d failed at that but he’d gotten his way and that was a small victory at least. “Where did you have in mind?” The question caught him off guard, and he could tell Jooheon knew it from the small, hidden behind his hand, smile it got him. 

Changkyun floundered only a moment remembering the reservations he’d set up quickly. “The Blooming Lotus.” It was the name of the place they’d eaten the day before as a crew, he’d seen the way that the band had enjoyed the food there. He only got a nod in reply as movement erupted around them when the scene ended. Jooheon nodded in acknowledgement saying they’d be there at the time he gave him. Then he was gone, into the madness that was wrap up. Changkyun felt it couldn’t compete with the madness in his chest of his heart beating solidly against his ribs. 

Still, he’d done it. He’d set everything up and that was a step in the right direction. The only hurdle left was actually coming clean, being honest, and telling Monsta how he felt, who he was. Those thoughts did no more to slow his heart rate than the short walk to the restaurant he’d told them to meet him at. He was early, having told them to meet him twenty minutes after he’d planned to arrive. Enough time to order the food himself, by now he already knew their orders. From both working with them and watching them so long. Well and maybe a little help from Gunhee.

If he’d thought he was nervous before talking to Jooheon it was nothing compared to how it felt waiting. Orders were in and the wait staff was looking at him oddly as they passed the basically empty but reserved room. He didn’t blame them he had after all, ordered enough for ten, even though he was only expecting six. This meal alone was likely to cost him a third of his paycheck in total, but he knew it was worth it. If not for the food, which was good just not the best, then for the privacy. 

The private room could comfortably seat twelve, with six chairs each around two large round tables. While the room itself was sat away from the other patrons through an arch. He’d taken the liberty of moving one chair to the farthest table making it seat seven, a bit snug but that’s what he wanted. The setup would also make it impossible for anyone other than the waitstaff to see them. And once the food was delivered they wouldn’t have much reason to interfere. At least that’s what Changkyun was counting on. He didn’t want the whole world to know his business.

Time felt like it was moving slowly as the food dishes started arriving and Monsta still hadn’t arrived. He had to wonder if they truly would, if maybe he was too late. But he refused to allow himself to dwell on that idea as he instead made sure everything was perfect. Five minutes past the time he’d asked them to come Monsta came through the arch and Changkyun could finally breathe again. Sort of. He had to admit even with all of their makeup removed and casual clothing they took his breath away, his mark didn’t burn this time. Just pulled at him softly as he swallowed.

Monsta was duly impressed by the spread of food, immediately commenting on it as they took seats around the table. It felt like the awkward conversation that started when someone wasn’t sure what else to say. But Changkyun had expected that, just as he’d expected the long silence that followed filled with the same energy. It was the thick sort of silence that hung over people when they met after one of them had said ‘we need to talk’. Still he found himself politely chatting about the food, steeling up his nerves as he watched them eat. His own stomach churning too much to fathom putting food in it. 

He waited until they’d all eaten just a litte, enough to feel polite to the restaurant at least. Then he cleared his throat calling for the attention of the table. It was a lot different outside of his head than it had been inside. All their eyes looked to him, all their conversation dying down and he noticed how Wonho and Kihyun looked at his untouched food. It didn’t matter, he cut them off before they could comment. All of the other things they’d said to him that night had all been chatter, and this was the only moment that really mattered. “I have to tell you the truth.” 

Suddenly it felt like all their attention, the whole world’s attention was on him. His palms started sweating as he fiddled with the armband but didn’t remove it. There were things he wanted, no needed to say first. Even if it felt like his tongue had grown three sizes as their eyes looked into his, serious and hopeful. He wondered how he looked in that moment, but he knew it didn’t matter. What mattered was not hurting them anymore, not hiding from them anymore. What mattered was being honest. 

“The first time I saw you it was on TV, I was watching one of my favorite programs when you played the opening.” Changkyun commended himself for how steady his voice was in the silence that had followed getting their attention. In the distance he could hear other customers, the clink of their dishes on the tables and random laughter. It sounded fuzzy and far away. Like it held no consequence in the world he lived in now. “I thought you were wonderful, but that wasn’t why you grabbed my attention.” He knew his voice was getting lower but he couldn’t help it. 

Feeling the flush on his cheeks he forced himself to carry on, adding a touch more volume to his voice. His fingers still danced over the armband and he felt more than watched the eyes dart between it and his face. The feeling made his mouth dry and his ears turn red, but he kept going. “I was drawn to you, I wanted to work with you.” He swallowed looking down at his own wrist then around the table. All of their marks were on display. Either because they were watching him with their heads on their hands, or just openly displaying it on the table it didn’t matter. 

Monsta had yet to say anything, and Changkyun could see they wanted to. That they had questions. Taking a deep breath he pulled the armband off, his blue dahlia seemed to be glowing in the dim lighting of the restaurant. “I was drawn to you because I’m your soulmate, I didn’t want to believe it at first. I didn’t think it was possible because I’d only seen you on TV. But…” He finally looked up from his own mark to see all six of the visible marks glowing too, he’d heard of this. “I’m sorry I hid it. I want to be with you.” 

Shownu spoke first, his voice soft and the hand on Changkyun’s softer. It sent a tingling sensation down his arm and caused the marks to glow brighter. “We,” He motioned around the table as he spoke. “want to be with you too. We weren’t sure how you’d feel about…” His voice trailed off, but Changkyun felt he understood what he was saying. Six was a large number of lovers, an even larger number of soulmates. “We were drawn to you too.” He finally added with a blindingly sincere smile that made Changkyun’s heart squeeze painfully.

Changkyun felt tears pricking at his eyes as he looked around the table, then suddenly all their hands were reaching for his. It was awkward because of the table so they moved, pushing the chairs together in a circle, food forgotten. Instead they all put a hand to his, the glow from their marks was almost blinding now as they completed a bond. He’d never known he could feel this complete, this needed and wanted from simply holding hands, but he did. It felt like the world was complete around him. As if they were the only things that mattered, and he knew they felt it too.

“I’m sorry I hid from this, from you.” Changkyun was the first to find his voice as the glow from their marks faded. It wouldn’t happen again until they’d taken yet another step in their relationship. He knew that meant it could be a while, as this acceptance was the first step. It had been a hard step to reach, but he was looking forward to the rest. His heart started beating wildly at the thought of the next steps. His thoughts lingering on the way Monsta was looking at him. With more love than he had ever felt before. 

“Why didn’t you just tell us before?” It was Wonho, his voice sounded a bit hurt but more curious. His eyes filled with tears and Changkyun felt a stab in his heart. He never wanted to hurt any of them, never thought it possible until just recently. For some reason he’d thought he was carrying the mark alone when he should have known better. He looked around the small circle they’d formed, and saw that the question was echoed in the other’s faces. 

Changkyun swallowed around what felt like his heart in his throat at the level of honesty he was about to pour out. He knew they deserved to know, more than that they needed to know. To understand why he’d acted like he had. “I didn’t think it was possible. It took me a while to believe this,” He lightly touched his mark causing Minhyuk’s finger against his to brush it. The feeling was unlike anything he’d even felt before, whole and warm. Still he went on. “is a soul mark. And when I saw yours it took me time to process that too.” He admitted with a shy smile looking between their faces. 

“It took us time too.” Minhyuk spoke up assuring him by brushing his shoulder against his. “We know it was a lot to process, that’s why we didn’t want to press you. To scare you off because there’s,” The blonde looked pointedly around the circle but Changkyun knew what he meant. “all of us.” The others nodded and made noises of agreement. It was something that Changkyun could only wonder about really, how they’d come to accept having one soulmate between the six of them. But he didn’t ask. 

“You don’t mind do you?” Hyungwon’s voice was laced with worry and Changkyun could see how they might have worried about that. Though he wasn’t, had never really been worried about that. He’d been more afraid they just wouldn’t want him as they were all super talented. What with Kihyun’s high notes, Hyungwon, Wonho, and Minhyuk’s visuals, Shownu’s handsomeness, and Jooheon’s all around talent what did he have to offer. But he could see that it bothered them, that they needed more than holding his hand for an answer. They wanted to hear it. 

“No, I want all of you.” Changkyun smiled at them all, squeezing their hands in his. It felt nice to say aloud. And it was freeing to know that they wanted him too, even though he wasn’t much. “I was afraid before because I’m only one person, who isn’t that talented.” He saw more than heard their disagreement with him. Still he went on. “I was also afraid you’d just think I was some fanboy on a mission to get close to you.” He chuckled at his own dumbness as he continued. “I guess I was, I still am.” He looked at each of them meeting their eyes as he spoke, his voice soft and filled with emotion. “I want to know everything there is to know about you.” 

“Good, because we feel the same way.” Jooheon’s words were said with a smile and Changkyun felt like things were looking up. There was still a long way to go and much to be said but for now, just for now this was enough. It was enough to know they wanted him, that they truly wanted to be with him. It was enough for them to know that he wanted them. There were many trials ahead he was certain but this, their hands in his and their smiles genuine, was enough. Though he did allow his thoughts to linger on what that next step might be, he hoped it involved kissing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ngl when I thought 20 or under I thought 18. So that's probably gonna come true. But I've had like 3hrs of sleep so I might change my mind. Thus I won't mark it.
> 
> edited


	18. Progress

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I'm late, I'm sorry. Real life stuff happened. I won't weigh you down with it. But do know I started posting my original writing <3

To say that things had progressed quickly was both a lie and not a lie. Though Changkyun was leaning more towards not than he was towards lie. Not that anyone asked him anything about it because his new relationship was top secret. Well, top secret in the way that no one was supposed to know about it, but they did. At least that was the impression he'd gotten from the looks, giggling, and out right wolf whistles whenever he so much as talked to any of Monsta between filming breaks. Which he didn't do much, usually waiting until filming was over for the day. Then they'd get a meal together.

Or on a few occasions they'd retired to one of their many hotel rooms. Those were Changkyun's favorite dates, the ones where he could be physically close to the band. Even if things were still a bit awkward with six grown bodies trying to find a way to cuddle close to one. They'd managed and silently decided on turns, that Changkyun highly suspected were enforced by Shownu. A lot of things were enforced by Shownu and Jooheon really, not that he was complaining. One such rule was that Changkyun continue to wear the armband in public. 

He didn't mind, and even if he felt a little sting at not showing it off, it suited him. Because as much as he wanted the world to know, and to tell everyone, he didn't. To begin with his friends had already dismissed the idea of soul marks and they weren't likely to believe even given evidence. Then there was only his family left that mattered, and that was a discussion he'd rather not have. Essentially the only ones who mattered, his world, already knew. Though he had of course told Gunhee, though not before Jooheon had sent him an embarrassing series of selfies. In which all of Monsta were kissing his cheeks. 

Gunhee had predictably teased him about it, but the memory of that night was too cherished to be bothered much by it. It had been a week ago now, but they hadn't done much more. Hadn't had the chance to do much more between filming schedules and being constantly surrounded by staff. Changkyun found himself blushing at the memory of it and what followed after. It had started with Minhyuk absentmindedly kissing his cheek as they cuddled in the hotel room he shared with Hyungwon. The rest of Monsta was curled around his middle and thighs while the two blondes were at either shoulder. 

At the time they’d been watching a movie, something Jooheon had suggested to help them unwind from the events of filming. They’d been forced to take food from an outside restaurant into a McDonald’s for their show. Predictably it hadn’t gone smoothly but everyone had gotten a good laugh out of it anyway. The movie hadn’t held their attention in the same way that Changkyun knew he was. He could feel their eyes drifting towards him every few minutes, checking on him and how he felt. Though in the moment, and even now with the memory, he couldn’t say he’d ever felt more whole.

It had been unexpected when Minhyuk subtly leaned over planting lips against his cheek. Of course the others had noticed which had Kihyun snarking off. What he’d said Changkyun could no longer recall, but he could recall the way the brunette had bristled followed by Minhyuk himself who bragged about his own actions. Which had then led to the, very painful but interesting, twisting of bodies scrambling to get their own lips on him. Hyungwon being closest had been next of course, his lips warm and solid against his cheek. Leaving him feeling a little fuzzy with the sudden movement.

Then it had been Wonho, who had twisted past Minhyuk, practically pushing the blonde out of the way to plant lips solidly where the blonde’s had been. A flush bloomed on his face when their eyes met. Changkyun hadn’t been able to process it more as Shownu muscled his way up the bed to him. Shoving Hyungwon aside when he didn’t immediately move. He was followed by a pouty, but determined Kihyun whose eyes lingered on Changkyun’s lips, but the brunette's lips settled on his cheek. Last was Jooheon, phone in hand, selfie mode on. And as he made sure the angle was perfect as he whispered against Changkyun’s ear that he wanted to keep this moment forever.

Which had started another round of cheek kisses, not that Changkyun minded. Even though his face was red and his thighs were a little sore. In that moment he felt completed, a feeling that grew inside him as he looked between the many faces of his soulmates only inches away. His cheek was tingling with the feeling of their lips lingering there. He’d moved towards them, his eyes intent on their lips to return the affection. But like always they were on a timetable and the explosion in the movie sounded much louder than it should have. Making them jump and realize it was the other manager pounding on their door. 

The moment was ruined, all for the message of being told to get enough sleep. At the time Changkyun had been more upset than Monsta had. Disappointed he’d been unable to act and had returned to his own hotel carrying the feelings of an action he’d failed to carry through. A feeling he still carried as he sat on the plane now, sitting through the long flight back to Korea. He was thankful at least to be sitting alone so he could think about how they could progress. Well, more accurately how he could get his own lips on theirs. A thought he’d been unable to stop having since he’d first seen them. 

A thought he wondered if they shared as they’d seemed content enough with cheek kisses, having given him several more since then. But that was as far as they’d gone. And minus a few lingering stares at his own lips courtesy of Kihyun, Minhyuk, and Jooheon he wasn’t quite sure how far they wanted to go. It felt like in a way they were in a limbo, or teetering on the edge of one he didn’t want to fall into. While at the same time moving forward with gusto. It was an odd feeling but he knew they were definitely progressing faster than he’d let them before. 

Faster than he’d thought they would considering how long it took him to be honest. Faster stil,l he realized when he got a text from Shownu. An invitation to their dorm, even though the muscular brunette was standing right next to him. He only glanced at Shownu long enough to spot the slight redness on the leader’s ears. Next to him Hyungwon and Wonho were fidgeting nervously between other staff members. He tried to keep his cool, their relationship was still ‘secret’. It still made him nervous to think of it that way. It made him nervous to think about going to their dorm, but underneath that he was excited as he typed a reply. Wondering what they had in store.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can read [My original writing](https://shinigamibutterfly.wordpress.com)
> 
> edited


	19. Kisses

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sure one day in the far distant future I'll say it's a oneshot in my head and that is what will spring forth. That's not what happened here. Instead we got something of a ride, but I'm glad you all joined me for it. It's coming to an end. It's been enjoyable though and I love all of you 💖 so I hope we'll cross paths again soon.

Nervous, that was the only way to describe how Changkyun felt standing before the closed door of Monsta’s dorm. Inside he could smell food cooking and he could almost hear the band members fretting about how clean the place was. At least he could hear Minhyuk being loud over something. Well, more accurately barely hear him over the way his heart was pounding in his chest. It felt like the first time he’d realized they were coming his way. He could feel the sweat on his palms and his heart in his throat. Even after they’d been seeing each other for roughly a month he still felt the butterflies in his stomach when he knew he would see them. 

But that month had been different, in a far away place. It felt protected. This was back home in Korea, an hour or so from his own place, and just minutes from anyone they knew. More importantly anyone that knew them. Getting caught here would be trouble. They were known here, granted not super well, known is known. One look at his mark with theirs and privacy would be over. There would be no hiding what they were, who he was to all of Monsta, including Jooheon. And if that happened it would blow up to be a scandal, even if it really wasn’t one. That wasn’t how fans would see it at the very least.

Yet, here he was in front of their dorm, heart in their hands and a desire for more just a cheek kiss and a cuddle session burning through his veins. Not that he’d say that out loud, yet. He wasn’t sure how Monsta would take it. He wasn’t sure how they’d handle real kisses with the fighting they’d done over his cheek. But he’d thought about it, more than he wanted to admit to at any given point. He’d thought about it so hard he’d come up with several solutions in how to make sure he was able to kiss all of them quickly, over and over again. And they weren’t just silly ideas either, even if they would look that way in practice. 

He could feel his face flush just thinking about how he’d bring himself to tell Monsta any of his ideas when the time came. Of course he’d do it, unless they brought up their own ideas first, as soon as he found the courage. The thought of courage sent a torrent of butterflies flying through his stomach taking him away with them. He could literally feel his feel his heart trying to beat out of his chest as he raised his hand to the door and let it hang there. Pulsing could be felt in his throat as he counted his heartbeats, slowing them as he gathered what courage he could.

A few heartbeats passed before he found the courage to knock. The small sound seemed to echo through the hallway and with it brought a small moment of silence beyond the door. Which was then followed by a flurry of activity he could just make out before the silence took over again. In the brief moment of noise he’d heard Shownu telling Kihyun that he was there and Jooheon telling Minhyuk to settle down. It was Hyungwon, with a peeking Wonho behind him, that opened the door. Both were composed and as handsome as ever. Seeing them only made Changkyun’s pulse speed up again. 

“You’re early.” The words were spoken by Wonho, as he peeked further around the taller blonde with a warm smile that melted Changkyun’s worries. All he could do was smile at him as he was ushered inside. Instantly he was surrounded by the other members who greeted him warmly. There were smiles on their faces and a tension between them that could be cut by a knife. He wondered if it was just him feeling it though as he found himself swallowing thickly with how close all of them were. Voices interested and eyes sparkling, they asked about his trip over. 

With all of them swarmed up to him it only made his thoughts jumble up and no answer sprang forth at their questions. Instead his thoughts circled his very real desire to kiss them all, and the practical if not a bit silly way he had in mind to do it. Looking from one pair of eyes to the next had him swallowing again and the butterflies in his stomach knotting it up. He was here, in their dorm with no obligations to a schedule that he knew of. The realization almost made him light headed with where things could go, where he wanted them to go. Maybe not right now, but at some point in the future. Some point soon.

“Sorry I’m early.” The words finally unlodged themselves from his throat after a too long pause in which most of Monsta had shifted on their feet. Either because he was staring at their lips or because they were nervous for him to see past them and into their dorm. Though they’d already warned him it wasn’t anything too special other than having two floors it wasn’t that big. “I wanted to see you.” He hadn’t realized how much he meant it until he’d said it, the butterflies died down and so did his nervousness as he took the armband off his wrist. It suddenly didn’t feel like coming to their dorm as much as if felt like coming home.

“We wanted to see you too.” Shownu was the one that spoke but it was Jooheon that had moved first, wrapping arms around him as the others moved to do the same. Shownu’s big arms barely reached him by the time the leader moved forward, but they were snug. It hadn’t even been more than a few days since they’d arrived back in Korea, but this was the spot Changkyun realized he never wanted to leave. The country didn’t matter, as long as he was with them doing what he loved, being with who he loved. 

When they pulled back the hug had felt all too brief but Changkyun didn’t say anything instead allowing Hyungwon to show him around. While Kihyun, Minhyuk, and Shownu disappeared into the kitchen to set the table, which from the sounds of it they didn’t do often. He didn’t complain instead taking in how clean the place was, well if he discounted the books Wonho was fixing and the pillows Jooheon was organizing. The books looked music related and he noticed the small keyboard they were being placed next to, while the pillows looked well worn and not all for couch. 

The tour of the dorm was short lived with Hyungwon only showing him their computer room, the bathroom, and their shared bedrooms, without opening any of the doors. All the while he leaned against him, his voice slow and comforting in the new environment. As if they were still back in those cheap shared hotel rooms and nothing had changed. It made him wonder if he was the only one who thought it had, if he was the only that was concerned about high stakes and being caught. It wasn’t like they were dating, well not like normal dating anyway. They had soul marks, they’d been born to be together.

Still, he knew that wouldn’t stop a lot of fans from dropping the band if they were caught. Even if he knew, long before now, that the relationship status of the members wasn’t something that should lose fans. He had fallen for Monsta’s music just as much as he’d fallen for them. Though he would admit, for him, that having a soul mark had helped the process along. Hyungwon’s voice was low, and next to his ear drawing him away from his thoughts as he lead them back to the living room with a quick. “We can explore the bedrooms later.” 

The words had Changkyun swallowing at different implications that hadn’t really been there. The butterflies were back in his stomach. The tallest blonde’s arm was around his shoulder as he steered him to the couch, curling up with him as he pointed at different parts of the living space. It wasn’t that big really, the sectioned couch took up most of it with a floor lamp next to it. He could tell though from the size of the window that they didn’t need it during the day at all if they opened their curtains. Next to it though was a small workspace, with the keyboard and books Wonho had been cleaning up.

Across from the couch was a coffee table, worn in by many takeout meals, was his guess from the small scuffs and dents in its surface. Then across from that there was a good sized TV and entertainment center that held a gaming console with a few games next to it. Everything was simple, clean, and fairly average. It only served to remind Changkyun that his own place was rather bare, with only a table, a TV, and its stand that filled up the space that wasn’t taken over by his couch. Despite his love for setting the stage none of it had transferred for his apartment, at least not in a grand way. 

Enjoying the way Hyungwon leaned against him, obviously contented to be close, Changkyun looked over his head at the dining room. The others were starting to bring dishes out to the large table set in there from the kitchen. Hyungwon was telling him about the food they had made, but he wasn’t really listening as much as making noises of interest. His thoughts caught up in how domestic all of it felt, how different it all felt. On the idea that maybe he could get used to this, the thought scared him just a touch. He’d been alone a long time after all. 

“Food’s ready.” Minhyuk sing songed at them as he set a dish down on the table and looked their way. He had a foolishly large smile in place that had Changkyun’s heart doing backflips. The butterflies picked up in his stomach again though as Hyungwon helped him up and he found himself approaching a table with five pairs of eyes watching him. Six if he counted the side glances from the tallest blonde beside him. He wondered what he looked like, he wondered what kind of miraculous thing he’d done in a past life to earn this. 

No words were spoken for all of a few minutes, in which Changkyun had been able to sample everything. Then Kihyun was asking his opinions and thoughts of the food, while Minhyuk added his side commentary. Shownu smiled good naturedly and pointed out the dishes he’d helped with while Wonho informed him that never under any conditions was Hyungwon to cook. Jooheon’s thigh brushed his under the table and the light conversation remained what it was as they ate. It didn’t feel any different from the other meals they’d shared as they talked about their days.

Yet, Changkyun could feel his emotions welling up inside him. The need to act, to speak, suffocating the feeling of comfort around the table because another feeling was building up. Every time he met eyes with any of them the feeling grew, watching them eat didn’t help him any in his thoughts. Nor did the way that Wonho’s shoulder would brush his or Jooheon the way intentionally unintentionally kept pressing up against his thigh. He only found himself able to hold his tongue on the matter less than forty minutes but not more than twenty-five. Time seemed to slip away as the words hung in the air. 

“I want to kiss you, I desperately want to kiss all of you.” He hadn’t meant to say it quite as breathlessly as he had, nor with his eyes glued to the sticky rice on his spoon. Changkyun had only been trying to answer the question that Kihyun had asked him about if he makes his own food. But his thoughts had betrayed him. It wasn’t exactly uncommon for him to blurt out what he was thinking or to mess up his English or Korean when put on the spot. This was different though, he’d been thinking it ever since they’d surrounded him at the entryway. And even with the words spoken the need didn’t go away.

He could hear the shifting around the table and feel the stiffness and heat in the air without looking up. Beside him Jooheon’s thigh had stopped moving, now resting against his own, while on the other side Wonho’s hand had found its way to his knee. The breathing in the room had stilted, almost stopped by the time Changkyun put his spoon down. Though he’d had to take a deep breath of his own before he was able to look around the table, scared eyes looked back at him. No, he could see they were more than scared, they were hungry but nervous. 

Kihyun’s voice, reasonable and somewhat solid was the one that broke the silence. “We want to kiss you too.” The words were followed by awkward shifting and when Changkyun looked around the table he could see how nervous the members truly were. In a way how long overdue their conversation was. How scared Monsta was, and it reminded him of them before he’d been honest. Before they’d realized he wanted what they wanted. He realized that this was probably the same. “We,” He noticed Kihyun glance around the table before going on. “We don’t want to pressure you.”

“There’s six of us,” Shownu picked up when Kihyun’s words failed. “We don’t want you to think that we’re setting the pace or to make you do…” His voice trailed off and Changkyun could see the blush spreading like wildfire around the table. It was even dusting his own cheeks when the leader cleared his throat again. “We aren’t scared of getting caught, we talked to the company. This isn’t something that was in our control and they understand that. As long as do our best to keep things under wrap they said they won’t censure us.” Another small pause. “We are scared to push you too far, to ask too much of you before you’re ready.”

Changkyun swallowed thickly on that thought. It was sweet, and a lot to swallow. They were waiting on him, they’d always been waiting on him. And he knew, that wasn’t what he wanted. He wouldn’t let them wait on him anymore. When he stood up all eyes followed him and he wanted them too as he made his way around the table towards their living room. He stood watching them, the food forgotten in front of them as they stared at him. Meeting all of their eyes was easy, but what he wanted to do and say was not. Still, he knew he needed to do it anyway. He wanted to do it anyway. 

“I’m ready.” The words brought an eruption of butterflies as the group moved as one towards him. They questioned him but Changkyun didn’t answer instead moving the members bodily around him in a small circle. It was hard to draw his eyes away from their lips. Instead of really answering their continued questions he told them to trust him and close their eyes. His words got him compliance but also raised eyebrows at his requests, he didn’t mind. Even though it didn’t calm his own nerves or the butterflies in his stomach. If anything it intensified them and the pull he felt towards them, the pull he’d always felt. 

Once their eyes were closed like he requested Changkyun took a moment to drink in the sight of each member before him. Willing, wanting, and patient but he didn’t want to wait anymore. He started with Kihyun, the easiest for him to reach. His lips were dry and the startled pleased noise he made both started a storm in his stomach as much as calmed it. The brunette didn’t try to keep him there or open his eyes. But Changkyun could see his mark glowing, feel the air tingle around them. Jooheon was next, then Wonho neither of which seemed to be breathing after their lips touched. 

There was a faint blue light starting to take over the area between them. Changkun noticed it with a passing thought. His mind and eyes glued to the lips he wanted to touch, even so chastely as he was doing. First kisses like this were best, at least that’s what he told himself as he had to tiptoe he way into kissing Shownu, Hyungwon, and Minhyuk. Turning around the small circle of bodies he’d made around himself so he could move between them quickly. They weren’t exactly the kind of kisses he wanted but the blue light that now glowed between them told him he was doing things right. 

When he gave the go ahead for them to open their eyes he wasn’t sure what to expect. His heart was pounding wildly in his chest though and his stomach was being eaten alive by butterflies. All of that faded, a background to the feelings of something exuding from all the members when their eyes finally opened. All of them falling on him, not a single one sparing a glance to the blue glowing on their forearms. Their eyes met as he spun around, suddenly caught up in arms, caught up in bodies pressing tight. Soft lips he’d only briefly met meeting his, over and over in soft presses or caresses against his skin. And just like that the butterflies were gone. 

The tight press of bodies against his own had Changkyun’s heartbeat escaping wildly as it jumped with each new touch. Hands he’d been craving fell against his body, but only lightly. A first step into the realm of the love he could feel choking him with its intensity. The room was now in a blue glow that none of them noticed as they took their time kissing, feeling, being together. Changkyun knew it was only the beginning but never before had he felt so whole as he stood between the six of them, pressed against their bodies, turning this way and that to feel each of them. 

In the moment he whispered the only words that mattered, ‘I love you’. Only to hear it echoed back in six voices, unique, lovely, and his. He realized then there would never be anything he wanted more as the pull between them solidified, even when they parted and made their way back to the table. Finally remembering there was food. The butterflies were gone, and in their place resided those three little words and knowledge that with this he would get everything he ever wanted. His dream job, the career he’d chased all the way to Korea, and the men he’d never knew he’d love and be loved by in return, Monsta.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end! A bit of a ride but we're here. I'm sorry it's not perfect, but neither is love. 
> 
> So I'm going on break now! You know where to find me if you miss me!


End file.
